Don't get us wrong. We are very excited for Opening Day. So much so that we even dedicated this week's issue of Metro Times entirely to this beloved Detroit holiday of beers, bats, and baseball cats.
But if you're taking part in the downtown festivities today, please take a moment to locate your nearest trash receptacle before discarding your red Solo cups, Monster Energy Drink cans, empty vape cartridges, beer bottles, etc.
Thanks to this handy map, you can easily dispose of your dirty diapers, jerseys covered in vomit, actual vomit, and Pittsburgh Pirates gear. Not only will you keep Detroit a place you'll want to return to, but you can avoid the following fines:
Litter amounting to less than one cubic foot: up to $800.
Litter amounting to greater than one cubic foot: up to $1,500.
For throwing litter into the path of a moving vehicle: imprisonment of up to one year, fine up to $500, or both.
Remember — there's no crying in baseball. And there's no being a literal garbage human on Opening Day.
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