21 times ‘The Onion’ was so spot on about Detroit, we thought it was real

We’re all used to the shit Detroit gets from the rest of the country, but satirical website The Onion can be so spot-on that sometimes it's hard to believe their headlines are fake. We’ve compiled a list of the top 21 times The Onion has mentioned Detroit, hitting right where it hurts.

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‘We’re So Screwed,’ Says Detroit Lions Fan After Seeing They Got Matched Up Against Other Teams Again
Taking a hit at Detroit's infamous football team, The Onion “cites” a Detroit Lions fan, complaining about how they’ll actually compete against other teams each week, exclaiming how unfair back-to-back matches are… as if every other NFL team isn’t doing the same thing.

‘We’re So Screwed,’ Says Detroit Lions Fan After Seeing They Got Matched Up Against Other Teams Again

Taking a hit at Detroit's infamous football team, The Onion “cites” a Detroit Lions fan, complaining about how they’ll actually compete against other teams each week, exclaiming how unfair back-to-back matches are… as if every other NFL team isn’t doing the same thing.
Michigan Hopes To Increase Voter Turnout By Making It Legal To Cast Ballot By Stepping Outside And Shouting Candidate’s Name
In hopes to increase voter turnout, Michigan announces a new legal way to cast your ballot is to step outside and to simply yell your preferred candidate's name.

Michigan Hopes To Increase Voter Turnout By Making It Legal To Cast Ballot By Stepping Outside And Shouting Candidate’s Name

In hopes to increase voter turnout, Michigan announces a new legal way to cast your ballot is to step outside and to simply yell your preferred candidate's name.
Study Links Drinking While Pregnant To Being At Kid Rock Concert
We don’t argue with science and according to this study, pregnant people who drank hard liquor were most likely to be found at a Kid Rock concert.

Study Links Drinking While Pregnant To Being At Kid Rock Concert

We don’t argue with science and according to this study, pregnant people who drank hard liquor were most likely to be found at a Kid Rock concert.
Detroit will soon close its police stations to the public for 16 hours a day. Some other #DetroitCostSavings:
In an attempt to cut city costs, Detroit announces that police stations will be closed to the public 16 hours a day as keeping stations open 24 hours a day was far too expensive. Additionally, Detroit Police will be changing the emergency number to 912 to lower call income.

Detroit will soon close its police stations to the public for 16 hours a day. Some other #DetroitCostSavings:

In an attempt to cut city costs, Detroit announces that police stations will be closed to the public 16 hours a day as keeping stations open 24 hours a day was far too expensive. Additionally, Detroit Police will be changing the emergency number to 912 to lower call income.
Michigan GOP Passes Legislation Rerouting Flint Drinking Water To Governor’s Mansion For Incoming Democrat
Following the election of Democrat Gretchen Whitmer as Michigan governor, Michigan’s GOP passes legislation to reroute water from the Flint water crisis to the Governor's house.

Michigan GOP Passes Legislation Rerouting Flint Drinking Water To Governor’s Mansion For Incoming Democrat

Following the election of Democrat Gretchen Whitmer as Michigan governor, Michigan’s GOP passes legislation to reroute water from the Flint water crisis to the Governor's house.
Michigan Restaurant Server Asks Frozen Bodies Of Dining Couple On Outdoor Patio If They’d Like To See Dessert Menu
COVID-19 guidelines face difficulties in winter in Michigan as a waitress is seen asking two frozen bodies seated on the patio what they would like for dessert.

Michigan Restaurant Server Asks Frozen Bodies Of Dining Couple On Outdoor Patio If They’d Like To See Dessert Menu

COVID-19 guidelines face difficulties in winter in Michigan as a waitress is seen asking two frozen bodies seated on the patio what they would like for dessert.
I’m Tired Of These Punks Coming Through My Neighborhood Blasting Their Late-1990s, Ghettotech, DJ Godfather–Inflected Hip-Hop
Nothing pisses off a community like blasting Detroit ghettotech late at night. It seems like one resident has had enough of his neighbors jitting to “Godzilla.”

I’m Tired Of These Punks Coming Through My Neighborhood Blasting Their Late-1990s, Ghettotech, DJ Godfather–Inflected Hip-Hop

Nothing pisses off a community like blasting Detroit ghettotech late at night. It seems like one resident has had enough of his neighbors jitting to “Godzilla.”
Does Thanksgiving Glorify The Historical Slaughter Of The Detroit Lions?
The Onion hit it on the nose with this one. There’s nothing like a Thanksgiving without sitting around the TV watching the Lions get absolutely demolished. What’s sad is that we still think they’ll win each year.

Does Thanksgiving Glorify The Historical Slaughter Of The Detroit Lions?

The Onion hit it on the nose with this one. There’s nothing like a Thanksgiving without sitting around the TV watching the Lions get absolutely demolished. What’s sad is that we still think they’ll win each year.
Detroit Begs Nation To Just Give It Something, Anything, To Manufacture
Detroit Mayor Mike Duggan promises that there are thousands of employees and manufacturing plants in the city just waiting for production, just … please, tell us what to do.

Detroit Begs Nation To Just Give It Something, Anything, To Manufacture

Detroit Mayor Mike Duggan promises that there are thousands of employees and manufacturing plants in the city just waiting for production, just … please, tell us what to do.
Detroit Mayor Throws First Brick In Glass-Breaking Ceremony For New Slums
Detroit’s newest abandoned building is unveiled as Mayor David Bing throws his first brick into the window as community members and city officials applauded. "It is my great honor to introduce to you the brand new Baneberry Heights," Bing announces, gesturing to the ramshackle subdivision behind him. "Filthy, dangerous, filled with violence and blight: It's all here, and it's all completely falling apart."’

Detroit Mayor Throws First Brick In Glass-Breaking Ceremony For New Slums

Detroit’s newest abandoned building is unveiled as Mayor David Bing throws his first brick into the window as community members and city officials applauded. "It is my great honor to introduce to you the brand new Baneberry Heights," Bing announces, gesturing to the ramshackle subdivision behind him. "Filthy, dangerous, filled with violence and blight: It's all here, and it's all completely falling apart."’