Leak freak

Early in November the Hits ran an item about a Detroit Police Department memo that seemed to confirm retired Sgt. David Malhalab's long-standing accusations that the department's reorganization has failed to provide better services to the residents of this fine metropolis.

As we vaguely recall, the memo pointed out that response times were poor and things weren't going so well when it came to doing things like, you know, actually catching criminals.

Then, on Monday, we received another heads up from Malhalab. He told us that the brass had gone ballistic trying to find the leaker, subpoenaing the phone records of one cop in an attempt to pinpoint how the memo had spilled into the lap of Malhalab (whose mug, we suspect by this point, has replaced those black silhouettes on the targets over at the shooting range). A hot and heavy interrogation supposedly occurred as well.

Seems kind of Bush league to us, if ya'll know what we mean.

As we recall, department spokesguy James Tate originally put a nice smiley face on the whole memo thing, saying the memo's info was no big deal and pointing out that it actually made the department look like it was on the ball, nipping problems in the bud, grabbing the bullhorn by the balls and all that.

But if Malhalab's tip is true — and he tends to be what we in the nooz biz call a reliable source — then the issue may have been of a bit more import than the PD let on. We called to find out, but didn't hear back by cocktail hour.

Malhalab's theory is that Chief Ella Bully-Cummings and crew are trying to send shivers through the blue timbers, coming down on one slightly embarrassing drip to prevent any future gushers.

"They don't want the public to know how bad things are over there," says Malhalab.

We just hope the cop in question doesn't suffer too much for providing what we consider to be a public service. As any beer drinker knows, after a long night of guzzling Stroh's there's nothing like a good leak.

Unless, of course, you're the one under the faucet — if you know what we mean.

News Hits is edited by Curt Guyette. Contact the column at 313-202-8004 or [email protected]
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