When apartment hunting, having in-unit laundry amenities are often at the top of many renters' wish list.
Except for this one.
Detroit resident, TikTok user, and DJ Garrison Briggs took users on a truly horrifying tour of his apartment building's, uh, curious laundry room situation — and survived to tell the tale.
"So I have to go outside of my apartment into the main building, downstairs, remember this is my laundry room," he narrates, as he takes us down a set of stairs, through a basement door that leads to a graffiti-covered corridor. "It's not in-unit, it's far from unit, in a spooky ass corridor where we literally have literally live mushrooms growing out of the fucking floor."
The entire basement space, which contains what appears to be 10 or so rooms, is unfinished and, as a result, is falling into horror movie-level disarray. The tour includes fungi, damp and abandoned furniture, crumbling drywall, missing drop ceiling tiles, as well as a wide range of graffiti including, but not limited to; the German language, scary faces, a stoned E.T., random monsters, and, well, the tireless promotional work of Lady Gaga's monsters.
"Buy Chromatica on iTunes," reads one pink spray-painted message.
Briggs compares the situation to the 2014 horror movie As Above, So Below and warns to avoid doing laundry at night, as the only light source is the harsh overhead light in the hallway, which means the actual laundry area is, well, fucking dark.
"One time I came down here and there was a literal man standing at the end of the room looking out that window and you can legit see my apartment," he says. "Not that he was staring at my apartment or anything but like, fucking creepy. I don't need that."
By the time Briggs reaches the actual laundry room, it is beyond clear that one might want to consider a laundromat. The harrowing journey reveals that there is just one filthy-ass washer and one bunk-ass dryer, surrounded by mysterious stains.
"It's fun, like, you can paint the walls and stuff," he says. "And kind of like, do whatever you want. And here we are. Doesn't get much better, it's disgusting through and through."
Briggs concludes the video by dropping one last bomb: "It cost $725 to live here," adding, "it's very Detroit."
The video, which has more than 2.6 million views and has been featured by Newsweek, also has a whole lot of comments, most from followers concerned for Briggs' safety and those who vow to never complain about their shabby apartment building laundry rooms ever again.
"Is Jigsaw a good landlord?" one TikTok user asked.
"Imagine walking through all that just to find out it's being used."
One user felt the power of Saturday Night Live's nightlife correspondent Stefon after watching Briggs' video: "New York's hottest club is ..."
Others looked at the bright side.
"If you get stabbed while doing your laundry, at least you can wash it right away!"
"I would literally just buy new clothes every week."
And, of course, one user just had to translate the German graffiti, which apparently reads: "And that was it for us."
R.I.P., Briggs. Here's hoping you either get your security deposit back or a troll presents you with a vial to break the curse that has surely been cast on you.
Take the tour below, if you dare.