Your soundtrack to making fun of this Scientology Christmas catalog

Not sure if you've seen this amazing Scientology Christmas catalog yet. It's pretty unbelievable, even within the entire unbelievablity of their enterprise.

I just started working here, so I do not want to get the place sued. In no way will I refer to Scientology as "a cult."

Also, it's possible that making fun of Scientology is a little bit played out. Well, you think that anyway, and then you look at the Christmas catalog, and maybe remember what Scientology is like, and it's very difficult to resist. (Also, if they're a new religion, why are they messing around with Christmas, anyway—shouldn't this be for L. Ron Hubbard's birthday, which Wikipedia informs me is March 15?)

I'm sure that their $400 CD player is some kind of specially-engineered thing, crafted with special and secret Thetan technologies, rather than just another cheap portable CD player you could get anywhere for $5 these days. How to soundtrack looking at this catalog? What should you pop into your $400 "clearsound listening system"? Why not go to the music made by some allegedly current and supposedly former members of the group?

Interspersed willy-nilly throughout this post, you will notice there are five videos of killer songs. Why are they here? Because Beck, Isaac Hayes, Chaka Khan, George Clinton, and the Incredible String Band are all either allegedly current or supposedly former members of Scientology. Which is not a cult, OK.