Q: Im a married guy with a good job, a wonderful kid, and my wifes a good lady. The problem? Sex. She rarely wants or needs it, and when I can get her in the mood its the same old dull routine. Same position, I do all the work she wont even touch my dick! and its over in 15 minutes.
Ive tried to talk about it with her, even counseling, but shes very defensive. She claims that I am treating her as an object. She also claims she got adventure out of her system years ago. How nice for her. I never got enough. Never had a blow job, never had intercourse in any position but missionary. Im frustrated, angry and desperate. I never wanted to cheat, but this has gone on for years and things just arent going to change.
Now act surprised! theres an opportunity. This other woman is sexy, smart and adventurous, and she has a very healthy libido. I want her, she wants me. The problem? Shes going to be leaving soon for a job in a new area. Part of me wants to go with her, but it would mean leaving my child. I should also mention that this temptress has gotten herself into trouble in the past. No arrests, but theres a chance of past misdeeds or unstable old boyfriends coming back to haunt her.
I dont want my child hating me forever, but I also want to be happy. What should I do? Wondering If Love/Lust Is Enough
Q: As the daughter of swingers, I used to be appalled by married people having sex with other people. But my marriage has sent me running for the dark side. The problem is, I am not running there with my husband: After having children, he unilaterally ended our sex life. And I am not a cow: I am still smoking hot and have even improved my body after the babies. I have written letters explaining what I need and worn thongs around the house. I have even told him that I cannot imagine being married to him forever if its going to be like this. He said that we have children now, and people with children dont do that sort of thing!
I feel cheated, and, like many people who feel cheated, I cheated. I know its wrong, but I was dying to fuck someone who actually wanted to fuck me. I am certain I will end up getting busted at some point (at least my parents were honest about fucking other people!), but I am having the best sex of my life and dont want to give it up. On the other hand, my husband is a great guy and a great father. Can I dump an otherwise good man and break up my family just to pursue a life of debauchery? If so, how do I do this without making everyone hate me? Full Swing
A: WILLIE and FSs letters arrived on the same day.
I wish I could say that there was something unusual about that. I get letters every damn day from frustrated, desperate men and women who are married to people who are no longer or were never interested in sex. Sadly, most people in WILLIE and FSs shoes only write to me after theyve spent years enduring, begging, pleading and cajoling. They write in after theyre married, after theyve had kids, after theyve started affairs in short, they write when its way too damn late.
Still, I have some advice for WILLIE and FS, and well get to it in a moment. But first, some general observations and lets get the obvious ones out the way first: Isnt it a shame that WILLIE and FS arent married to each other? And isnt it too bad that WILLIEs wife and FSs husband arent a happily sexless couple?
And now, the bank-shot observation: In some instances there may be mitigating circumstances i.e., there may be a very good reason why a particular husband or wife is no longer interested in sex. For all we know WILLIE doesnt bathe or only speaks civilly to his wife when he wants sex. For all we know FS supports the teaching of intelligent design or is Katherine Harris. But its not always the fault of the cut-off spouse. Its a well-known fact that there are people out there who simply arent interested in sex and, judging from the mail, a whole lot of them married people who are.
It needs to be said that depriving a spouse of sex or subjecting them to absolutely joyless sex in the hope that theyll stop asking for any at all is an act of emotional violence. And this brand of emotional violence not only creates frustration, anger and desperation, it inevitably leads to infidelity, which all too often leads to divorce, broken homes and traumatized children.
And who gets the blame?
The spouse who cheated, of course! Didja hear? WILLIE a man with a wife and a child at home! ran off with another woman! Oh, and FS a woman with a husband and kids! was sleeping with another man!
To all those folks out there who arent interested in sex: Getting married or civilly united or shacking up or whatever is like buying a cow. You know going in that youre going to have to milk the thing. But unlike an unmilked cow, a spouse male or female wont just stand there in a field and suffer. A spouse is a cow with a credit card, a job and a car. If you dont milk the cow you married, your cow has the means to go out and find someone who will. If youre fine with that, for Gods sake tell your cow. If you lose interest in sex but want to stay married for the kids, friendship or financial security, apologize to your cow and tell em youll do them the courtesy of turning a blind eye if theyll do you the courtesy of being milked discreetly elsewhere.
OK, so what should you two do?
WILLIE: If youre going to leave your wife and in your blow-jobless state, who could blame you (besides everyone) the least you can do for your kid is stay in town. This other woman the one with the potential legal problems and bad taste in ex-boyfriends isnt the only other woman on earth. Leave your wife, find someone local, get your dick sucked.
FS: Tell your husband whats going on and tell him why. Offer to stay with him and raise your kids together, if you can hack it. But just as hes made it clear that being with him means no sex, you need to make it clear that being with you means semi-regular cuckolding.
Q: Im a gay 22-year-old male, and my boyfriend is 24 and seems to have the lowest sex drive ever. He never initiates and he pushes me away three out of the four times I do. Its gotten to the point that I dont initiate anymore. Hes a great guy sweet and perfect for me in every way except this. Cheating is not an option I would consider. However, Im sex starved over here! Boy Once Needed Erotics Daily
A: Once upon a time, cheating was not an option WILLIE or FS would have considered either, BONED. Get the hell out while the getting out is good.
Asking & telling: Advice poured in for In Love Yet Afraid, the gay soldier who wanted to know what to do about his crush on a fellow soldier. Read what soldiers, sailors, airmen, Marines and guardsmen had to say to ILYA by going to www.metrotimes.com/savage.Send letters to [email protected]