A hairy situation

Q: We recently set up a facial and hair-removal salon in my home’s basement. I am in my early 40s and have been married for 10 years to a wonderful man who is not aware that I am bisexual. I have very strong feelings for black women and have a serious problem with my female clientele. My clients usually have a facial and a manicure. Some have also requested me to shave around the vagina opening and remove the pubic hairs, leaving the area smooth and clean. After shaving my first young black lady I wanted her, so I gave her a complete oral massage, providing her and me many orgasms. Now I give head to at least three of my customers every week. I want to tell my husband, but I am really afraid I might lose him. Please give me your opinion and advice.

A: Well, that certainly beats dollars-off coupons for building a clientele! Seriously, it is never a good idea for a professional who provides personal services — whether nurse, attorney, therapist or pubic waxer — to become sexually involved with her clients. In most cases it is specifically prohibited by law and is cause for losing your license to do business. If you really can’t control yourself in the face of such temptation, then I strongly suggest confining your services to less-provocative hairy areas. As for what to tell your husband, only you can decide, but keeping such a secret can’t be healthy for your marriage. Why don't you sound him out first on the topics of bisexuality or open relationships and be guided by his response. Ethics and potential psychological damage aside, at the very least be aware that by having such intimate contact with others, you are putting him as well as yourself at risk for certain diseases.

Q: I often have very odd dreams, but a few nights ago I had one that really takes the cake. I would like to get your professional perspective on its possible meaning. In my dream I was playing bagpipes on stage in a crowded restaurant. I suddenly looked down to find that I was actually sucking my own penis. It was such a shock that I immediately woke myself up and wondered, "What the hell was that all about?" The next day I was still troubled by its meaning, so I asked the guys at work if they ever had any kind of similar dreams. They now think I'm some kind of closet sicko with "serious issues." After I took a lot of good-natured razzing, we decided that I should find out your opinion. Is this a common dream that normal, well-adjusted people have or am I indeed "abnormal" as my coworkers claim. Does this dream have some kind of symbolical meaning, such as my need to "toot my own horn" in front of other people? Should I seek professional help? Although this letter might sound rather comical and contrived, please be assured that it is very much real and I would appreciate any light you could shed on the issue. I look forward to hearing your reply.

A: Sweetie, anyone who says they can interpret your dreams without your active participation should be working with Madame Cleo. Perhaps you do want to suck your own penis. Most men would like to be able to do that, no matter what they admit to co-workers. Perhaps you want to suck someone else's. Many "straight" men would like to try that too. Perhaps it's only that you long to play the bagpipes. I can't tell you that yours is a "common dream that normal, well-adjusted people have," but I can reassure you that one dream, no matter how bizarre the content, does not necessarily mean anything beyond a creative subconscious.

Q: I've noticed a distinct variation in the color and shape of women's nipples. Does whether the nipples stick out or not and whether they are pinkish or brownish on light-skinned women mean anything in particular?

A: You means like rings on a tree trunk denoting its age? An individual woman's nipples tend to become erect with cold and/or excitement and to darken with age and/or childbirth, but unless you are paying extremely close attention to a particular woman's nipples over a period of time, I don't know what meaning can be imparted by a locker-room peek at color or size. Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or [email protected] Her Sexuality Forum is at

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