The existential dread you’re feeling? Well, while we may not be able to fill the void of uncertainty, but we can suggest a solution: ice cream.

We know what you’re thinking: how can a delicious frozen, sprinkle-covered, chocolate-dipped confectionary treat provide clarity so that we may live a healthier, more zen AF life? While not all of these questions have answers, we do have 25 essential metro Detroit ice cream, frozen custard, and totally out there frozen concoctions to freeze your wandering mind and your woes. For the traditionalists, there’s homemade ice cream and custard in classic flavors. For those looking to step it up a notch, you know, true anarchy, there’s liquid nitrogen ice cream or totally wild flavors, like margarita, lavender, and green tea. Then, for the maximalist, there’s sky-high, totally stacked Frankenstein-style treats, loaded with cereal, pastry, churros, and, in one case, a cone made out of a doughnut. Vegans, you can get your lick on, too, as many of these spots offer dairy-free ice cream and sorbet options. Dig in.

Treat Dreams 22965 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; 248-544-3440 | 4160 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-818-0084; treatdreamsde.com Treat Dreams prides itself on offering a variety of esoteric flavors. Some of their more, um, interesting past options include jalapeño and mac and cheese. They also often provide vegan options made of rice milk or soy milk, including sorbet. Since Treat Dreams rotates its offerings every week, we can’t tell you what will be there when you stop in. But one thing you can count on is brain freeze. Delicious, perfect, creamy brain freeze. Oh, and salted caramel. Treat Dreams signature flavor is always on deck. Photo via Treat Dreams/Facebook
Ashby’s Sterling of Grosse Pointe 20081 Mack Ave., Grosse Pointe Woods; 313-886-2560; ashbysicecream.com Since 1984, Ashby’s Sterling Ice Cream has been raking in awards and dishing out the goods. When we say “goods” we mean ice cream flavors like Amaretto cherry, Majestic Milkyway, Playdough, Nana’s Banana Puddin’, and the deliciously frustrating Michigan Pot Hole. Photo via Ashby’s Sterling of Grosse Pointe/Facebook
Oberweis Ice Cream and Dairy Store 32808 Woodward Ave., Royal Oak; 248-565-1071 | 6854 Rochester Rd., Troy; 248-250-9574; oberweis.com Dair-we ask if you love ice cream? Grab some Lactaid before heading to this classic ice cream paradise. Oberweis is a regional Midwestern chain mostly based in Illinois. Their motto? “Stop when you smell the waffle cone.” The only way we’ll stop is when we feel like puking because we thought three scoops of Birthday Cake flavored ice cream was an Ober-wise idea. Try to control yourselves! Photo via Oberweis/Facebook
Ray’s Ice Cream 4233 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; 888-549-5256; raysicecream.com Kicking it old school since 1958, Ray’s Ice Cream in Royal Oak has the retro soda shop vibe with the tasty and timeless in-house-made treats that come in 50 flavors like Coffee & Heath, Pumpkin Pie, White Russian, Cinnamon Almond, and Fat Elvis. Photo via Ray’s Ice Cream/Facebook
Custard Hut 25947 W. Warren St., Dearborn Heights; 313-278-5577; Facebook.com/thecustardhut We’re pretty sure Leslie Knope herself would die if she took a bite out of Custard Hut’s waffle custard sandwiches. Take some delicious waffles, slap some cake batter and Nutella on that bad boy, toss some strawberries, sprinkles, or breakfast cereal, and you’ve got yourself the treat we never knew we needed. They offer an array of non-waffle, soft serve options, all of which you can swirl together for a twisty, tasty cone. Peanut butter, hazelnut, red velvet, pistachio, and toasted coconut are among those flavors up for grabs and licks. Photo via Custard Hut/Facebook
Erma’s Original Frozen Custard 6451 Auburn Rd., Shelby Township; 586-254-3080 | 2080 14 Mile Rd., Warren; 586-275-2447 | 28840 Harper Ave., St. Clair Shores; 586-275-2447; ermascustard.com For 75 years, Erma’s has been dishing, er, squeezing, out delicious frozen custard. What originated as a little roadside stand in Utica is now a must-slurp spot. In addition to the regular offerings, Erma’s serves up three weekly flavors that rotate throughout the season. One of them is always a Dole soft serve made with fruit juice instead of dairy for the vegans who want in on the action. Photo via Erma’s Original Frozen Custard/Facebook
Taylor Queen Ice Cream Shop 25650 Ecorse Rd., Taylor; 734-776-9999; taylorqueen.business.site Not all royalty live in castles, some live in big red barns filled with delicious ice cream. No, this isn’t a fairytale — this is Taylor Queen Ice Cream Shop, which specializes in, well, specialty sundaes like the peanut buster, which is loaded with vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, butterscotch, chopped nuts, whipped cream, and a cherry, duh. Photo via Taylor Queen Ice Cream Shop/Facebook
The Split 532 E. Nine Mile Rd., Hazel Park; 248-571-2064; the-split.business.site We can’t do the splits, but goddamn it, can we eat one. And where better to destroy one than at Hazel Park’s The Split, an old-school ice cream shop? It’s the kind of place that has a banana split, a decidedly retro ice cream treat, as a namesake. They’ve got soft serve up the wazoo and offer other classics like Boston coolers, floats, parfaits and sundaes. They also offer Italian ice for the non-dairy folk and some non-dairy ice cream bars. Photo via The Split/Facebook
Bob Jo’s Frozen Custard 4071 Fort St., Wyandotte; 734-282-6818; facebook.com/bobjosfrozencustard Bob Jo’s has been operating since the 1950s as a classic roadside custard and yogurt haven. There are 25 special flavors available as well as traditional faves like a vanilla-chocolate twist dipped in sprinkles.
Cold Truth 4240 Cass Ave., Suite 100, Detroit; 313-680-1199; coldtruthsoftserve.com Do you swear to tell the truth, the Cold Truth, and nothing but the Cold Truth, so help your brain freeze? OK, so not only does this Midtown soft serve joint offer out-of-the-box flavors like black sesame with strawberry balsamic drizzle, lavender, and black vanilla, but they always offer non-dairy options. Like, always. It’s kind of their thing and damn do they do it well. Photo via Cold Truth/Facebook
Family Treat 2010 Springwells St., Detroit; 313-841-3522; 313rd.com/biz/family-treats Put a damn churro on it. This southwest Detroit staple is a must for anyone with a taste for treats. Corn dogs, hot dogs, and tacos are among some of the savory treats. But where Family Treat excels is the sweet stuff, like soft-serve with hardshell dips, sundaes, shakes, and, of course, the churro treat. Photo via Family Treat/Facebook
Garrido’s Bistro and Pastry 19605 Mack Ave., Grosse Pointe; 313-466-3042; garridosbistro.com Go big or go cone. While this restaurant has food which we’re sure is great (OK, we know its great, they’ve been featured on the Travel Channel), they’ve made a name for themselves for their insane, towering, gravity-defying treat displays that are as photographable as they are stomachache-inducing-ly good. However, these freak shakes are not technically on the menu, wink wink. Photo via
Guernsey Farms Dairy Family Style Restaurant 21300 Novi Rd., Northville; 248-349-1466; guernseyfarmsdairy.com Cow-to-carton sounds, well, a little gross to be honest, but for 75 years, Guernsey Farms Dairy has been crafting delicious — and fresh — small-batch ice cream and other dairy products. The newly-renovated spot in Northville offers to-go grocery items like chocolate milk, skim milk, probiotic milk, sour cream, and chip dip. Photo via Guernsey Farms Dairy/Facebook
Jim’s Frostie Treats 1528 E. Eleven Mile Rd., Royal Oak; 248-399-7919; jimsfrostietreats.com We don’t know who Jim is, but this guy knows his stuff. This Royal Oak spot with a life-sized Superman out front is saving our sugar-fiending hearts with ice cream, banana splits, floats, coolers, shakes, brownies, parfaits, slush freezes, sundaes, “Jimbo bars,” and fully loaded cream puffs. Photo via Jim’s Frostie Treats/Facebook
Screamers 44666 Mound Rd., Sterling Heights; 586-254-1414; goscreamers.com Let’s friggin’ rage, dude. Screamers in Sterling Heights is where it’s at if you’re craving some seriously good frozen yogurt and custard. No frills, just screams. Photo via Screamers/Facebook
Browndog Creamery & Dessert Bar 120 E. Main St., Northville; 248-615-2955; browndogcreamery.com Bad dog! Oh, we mean Brown Dog! All of this small batch craft ice cream has us barking mad. Don’t expect your traditional scoops, as Brown Dog offers an experimental selection of flavors like matcha green tea, peach lavender, pistachio stracciatella, golden milk, beekeeper (honey infused with honeycomb candy), blood orange, coconut ice, and early grey with a shortbread cookie. For the boozehounds, there’s Irish coffee, margarita Sorbet, strawberry champagne sorbet, and elderflower with prosecco sorbet. Oh, yeah — as if it couldn’t get any better, here are vegan options, too. Photo via Brown Dog Creamery/Facebook
Mangonadas Del Barrio 1210 Lawndale St., Detroit; 313-724-6074; 313rd.com/biz/family-treats There’s always money in the chocobanana stand. A southwest Detroit favorite is home of the Mangonada, a frozen spicy Mexican fruit drink, but it also offers some incredibly over the top frozen treats and ice cream options. Perhaps the soul of the ice cream offerings is a chocobanana split. Photo via Mangonadas Del Barrio/Facebook
Doug’s Delight 1108, 23110 John R. St., Hazel Park; 248-307-7970; mmitalianbeef.com We would like to meet this Doug guy because of this in-house made ice cream shop in Hazel Park. They’ve recently teamed up with Matt and Moe’s Italian Beef so you can get a Chicago-style dog before you load up on floats, coolers, sundaes, cones, ice cream sandwiches, and shakes. Photo via Custard Hut/Facebook
Washtenaw Dairy 602 S. Ashley St., Ann Arbor; 834-662-3244; washtenawdairy.com For 85 years, Washtenaw Dairy has held it down in Ann Arbor with a selection of more than 50 flavors spanning caramel pretzel crunch, birthday cake, and something called pirates treasure. They have doughnuts, too, so don’t be shy when slapping one on top of your cone creation. Photo via Washtenaw Dairy/Facebook
Blank Slate Creamery 300 W. Liberty St., Ann Arbor; 734-922-5383; blankslatecreamery.com We get it. Making choices is hard. Like, really hard. Especially when it comes to ice cream, which is why this Ann Arbor go-to offers a solution to our indecisive minds: the ice cream flight. Have your pick of Blank Slate Creamery’s homemade, all-natural flavors, like balsamic strawberry, bananas foster, fresh basil, pecan pancake, lavender lemon honey, and Vietnamese cinnamon. They also offer vegan ice cream and sorbet options, as well as waffle bowls, malts, coolers, black cows, and ice cream sandwiches. Photo via Blank Slate Creamery/Facebook
Dairy-O 208 S. Main St., Clawson; 248-916-7700; Facebook.com/ClawsonDairyO Nothing to see here, folks. Just some delicious and classic frozen treats courtesy of Clawson’s Dairy-O. The ice cream shop of your childhood is alive an well, serving up cones, sundaes, floats, coolers, flurries, glaciers, slushies, and smoothies, all of which can be topped and drizzled upon. Photo via Dairy-O/Facebook
Donut + Coffee Bar 29039 Southfield Rd., Southfield; 248-595-8212; 856 E. Big Beaver Rd., Troy; 248-817-2446; donutbardetroit.com So, here’s the deal. This beloved doughnut spot created something called a “donut cone” and for that we are forever grateful and, well, mostly just full AF. Yes, you heard us right. You can get soft-serve ice cream poured into a friggin’ doughnut shaped like a cone, because the limit does not exist. Photo via Donut + Coffee Bar/Facebook
Wally’s Frozen Custard 22501 Harper Ave., St. Clair Shores; 586-552-5038; wallysfrozencustard.net Man, we love Wally. Sure, we’ve never technically met the guy, but his namesake firehouse themed frozen custard spot in St. Clair Shores has us dialing 9-1-1, because this shit is good. Wally’s has got your standard cone offerings, Dole whips, sundaes, slushes, coolers, and floats, as well as something called Wally’s Whirly, which packs in Oreo, Reese’s Pieces, M&M’s, Snicker’s, Kit Kat, cookie dough, Butterfinger, Heath, Take 5, drumstick, and whatever tropical paradise is, all in one cup. They also have a selection of coffee drinks so you can fuel up to avoid a sugar coma. Photo via Wally’s Frozen Custard/Facebook
Milkster Nitrogen Creamery 20570 Haggerty Rd., Northville; 248-832-5501; milkster.com If you failed out of chemistry class, all you need to know is that liquid nitrogen ice cream exists, and it’s friggin’ delicious. Milkster Nitrogen Creamery is a local chain that makes customizable ice cream using liquid nitrogen, which creates the smoothest possible texture as to eliminate preservatives and emulsifiers. (That’s nerd talk for “bullshit.”) Photo via Milkster Nitrogen Creamery/Facebook
Frosty Boy 38650 Jefferson Ave., Harrison Twp; 586-465-3322; Facebook.com/frostyboyhtp Conveniently located next to Lake St. Clair Metro Park, Frosty Boy is Harrison Township’s beloved frozen custard spot. They’ve got soft serve, Dole whips, sundaes, shakes, flurries, and banana splits, but most importantly, they offer pup cups so your four-legged friends can get in on the ice cream action. Photo via Frosty Boy/Facebook

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