Everybody poops. So, as this is important information for all, we decided to ask the r/detroit subreddit and our Instagram followers where the best and worst bathrooms are in the area.

Apparently, there are many Instagram pages dedicated to documenting this already, including @detroitbathrooms, @toiletsofdetroit, @detroitrockshitty, @urinalsofdetroit, and @theferndalepooper.

We were provided many detailed horror stories about disgusting toilets around the city, as well as some tales about being surprised at how nice a bathroom was. This is clearly a topic that many are passionate about.

Here’s what people told us:

Old Miami 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit This long-standing dive bar was definitely one of the most mentioned when it comes to the absolute worst bathrooms in Detroit, mainly because the toilets are far from private. “The women are lucky enough to have a 40-year-old, dirty, stinky curtain right in their faces that serves as a door,” Dazzling-Glass8662 said on Reddit. Many others added stories about how “one wrong move” can expose you to patrons in the bar. “One night we were drinking there and I got the bubble guts. It was a very different experience seeing as how people on the bar couches could basically see me blow mud all over the toilet,” deemer1324 said. So gross, but hey — it’s a dive bar! Credit: Steve Neavling
Lafayette Coney Island 118 W. Lafayette Blvd., Detroit If your favorite Coney Island restaurant is Lafayette, part of the experience is going to the bathroom. “Twisting down those steps feels like entering a submarine. A dirty gross submarine. One time like 30 years ago when I was kid, my dad took me there and there were literally these giant pots full of soup sitting on the floor at the bottom of the stairs just outside the bathroom door,” Redditor mikec68 said. VanDizzle313 called it “a classic relic…reminds me of Amsterdam. very shitty, very cool.” On a recent visit, we didn’t find any pots of soup. Credit: Lee Devito
Honest John’s 488 Selden St., Detroit Many people said this restaurant bar has the worst bathrooms, especially for the men. “The men’s room at Honest John’s is scary,” Redditor tythousand said. Credit: Steve Neavling
Northern Lights Lounge 660 W. Baltimore St., Detroit On a less gross note, bathrooms can sometimes be great places to meet new people — such as the spacious women’s room at Northern Lights Lounge. “The friendships I’ve made and conversations I’ve had in that living room of a chill spot,​​” @0k.yams said on Instagram. Among others, one Redditor agreed, stating: “I’ll go directly to Northern Lights if I have to poop.” Credit: Dig Downtown Detroit, Flickr Creative Commons
Saint Andrew’s Hall 431 E. Congress St., Detroit The bathrooms at this concert venue used to be terrible, but after some recent renovations, they’re now among the city’s best. “I went there for a show for the first time in a long time and was blown away by how palatially nice it was in the john compared to 20-30 years ago,” capthazelwoodsflask said on Reddit. “Some young, hipster douchebag had the audacity to complain about the line and condition the whole restroom was in after the show had ended. What a sweet, sheltered life he’s lived if that was nasty to him.” Credit: Instagram, @urinalsofdetroit
Sneakers Pub 22628 Woodward Ave., Ferndale For a few bathrooms, people felt that some of the worst were also some of the best, or at least the most iconic. This was one of them. “Worst (but favorite) bathroom in the metro is at Sneakers in Ferndale,” PrincessWhiffleball said on Reddit. “The women’s bathroom is shaped like an upside-down L. You walk in a few steps and to the right are two toilets next to each other, separated by a half wall. There is no door. If someone is on the first toilet, you either have to wait or shimmy past them to get to the second.” Many agreed with this statement, with most saying that the pub is among the worst places to take a shit. (The karaoke is fun, though!) Credit: Google Maps
Harpos 14238 Harper Ave., Detroit Some of the most disgusting stories we got, on both Instagram and Reddit, were about the bathrooms at Harpos. Just use your toilet at home first if you plan to visit this venue, which mainly features metal and rap. “I don’t think I’ll ever emotionally recover from sloshing through the inch of standing …water… in the women’s bathroom at Harpos,” winterfoxes said on Reddit. “Do they have an actual designated restroom or are you allowed to unload where you please?” Drewtroit added. (There’s a much longer and grosser story about Harpos in our Instagram comments if you’d like to go get more proof.) Credit: Nicholas Grunas
Bash Izakaya 5059 Trumbull St., Detroit This Japanese restaurant comes equipped with Japanese-style bathrooms, which are clean and pristine. “Man, I love the bathrooms at Bash,” obsa said on Reddit “Took a couple of friends there and they were pleasantly surprised that they’re heated bidets.” Sounds like maybe you should visit here just to experience the extremely nice toilets. Credit: Instagram, @detroitbathrooms
Shinola Hotel/San Morello 1400 Woodward Ave., Detroit Another one that was mentioned when it comes to the nicest bathrooms is the Shinola Hotel. “That Shinola bathroom is plush af,” Redditor downriverrat3 said. “Plush, smells great, and is rarely busy,” added AarunFast. Credit: 2018 Google
Apartment Disco 15421 Mack Ave., Detroit No one mentioned this east side nightclub in our comments, but seeing this photo from @detroitbathrooms on Instagram, the bathroom is too groovy not to include. Credit: Instagram, @detroitbathrooms
The Lager House 1254 Michigan Ave., Detroit Warning: this is gross. “The Lager House has the worst shitter ever. Had a guy bust in the stall while I was shitting so he could vomit all over me,” Mergan_Freiman said on Reddit. “Literally came here to say Lager House. You have to stand on the toilet just to close the door. Great corned beef hash though,” MadTomCom added. Credit: Instagram, @detroitbathrooms
Shangri-La 4710 Cass Ave., Detroit While the whole restaurant was renovated, Shangri-La decided to keep the original bathrooms from the former Twingo’s intact, which people enjoy. “The one on the north side of the building is single occupancy, too, so you can poo alone,” Redditor AdjNounNumbers said. Credit: Google Maps
Leland City Club 400 Bagley St., Detroit While the ambiance and graffiti in these bathrooms are pretty cool, the cleanliness could definitely be improved. “The most iconic best/worst is Leland City Club,” @ktsdancindesig said on Instagram. Credit: Layla McMurtrie
Detroit Fleat 1820 E. Nine Mile Rd.; 248-607-7611detroitfleat.com Detroit Fleat is a food truck park that rotates vendors year-round. Credit: Google Maps
Russell Industrial Center 1600 Clay St., Detroit You never know what you might find at the Russell Industrial Center, and that remains true when it comes to the restrooms, at least in the artist studios. “The RUSSELL. God forbid if you gotta $H¡T. There are cleaner, safer nearby spots to facilitate, SUCH AS off I-75 service Dr. OR trackside along the Junction line, less chance of catching something,” @mi_uniquepov on Instagram said. A little dramatic, but not necessarily untrue. It should be said that the bathrooms in the renovated exhibition center space are actually quite nice. Credit: Instagram, @toiletsofdetroit
The Painted Lady 2930 Jacob St., Hamtramck Just because you like the place, doesn’t mean you’ll like their bathroom. “It’s my favorite bar in Metro Detroit, but my god the bathroom at the Painted Lady is especially horrid,” Redditor jhp58 said. Someone on Instagram agreed, who must have worked at the bar in the past. “Painted lady forever is the worst. I accidentally made mustard gas from bleaching while cleaning it once from the urine stains,” @terps_and_burps_ said. Credit: Facebook, The Painted Lady Lounge
The Corner 344 W. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale Someone was passionate about this one, and a couple of others said it was bad too. “My time has come. My most hated bathroom is the bathroom at The Corner in Ferndale,” lauriceman on Reddit said. “The bathroom is WET and smells like chlorine. Literally makes me feel like I’ve been transported to a bathroom at a public pool. To top it off there’s the circular wash fountain a la a bathroom at a baseball stadium. So two of (my personal) least favorite TYPES of restroom combine into a horrible, humid chimera at a bar where they charge $8 for a bowl of cereal.” Credit: Instagram, @theferndalepooper
Spot Lite 2905 Beaufait St., Detroit When it comes to nightclubs in Detroit, many people say Spot Lite takes the cake for coolest bathrooms. “@spotlitedetroit has by far the best bathrooms in all of Detroit,” @soundheimerdetroit said. @cherylkohs agreed: “yes, they are set up the way ALL bathrooms should be.” The bathrooms are gender-neutral, a set of spacious stalls with a common area featuring a wall of artfully arranged mirrors so you can check yourself out before you hit the dancefloor. Credit: Layla McMurtrie
New Dodge Lounge 8850 Joseph Campau St., Hamtramck “best bathroom. never pee on the walls,” @tiffadelic on Instagram said simply about this bar. Credit: Instagram, @detroitbathrooms
Cafe D’Mongo’s 1439 Griswold St., Detroit Here’s another love/hate relationship. “I love Dmongos with all my heart, but their bathrooms are pretty bad,” Redditor Prometheusfiregiver said. Expressing a similar sentiment, @macaronipeacock on Instagram said, “Always had a soft spot for D’Mongo’s even though [the bathrooms are] nightmarish. The more you drink the more likely you are to fall and break something.” Credit: Flickr, What A Ride
Tangent Gallery 715 E. Milwaukee St., Detroit Many people stated this spot as having some of the worst bathrooms. Most didn’t give a reason, but one person said you basically have to stand on the toilet in an attempt to hold the doors closed while you’re taking a piss (which to some is even scarier because the restrooms are gender-neutral). Credit: Instagram, @detroitbathrooms
Swim at the Belle Isle beach No need to travel far or pay more for a beach when there’s one right in the heart of the city. With an annual pass that costs just $10 per car, Belle Isle offers many free activities including the oldest aquarium in the country, the Dossin Great Lakes Museum, a nature center, tons of parks, and more. While some local residents are wary about swimming in the city due to pollution, it’s usually safe due to how fast the Detroit River’s current flows. Credit: Hannah Ervin, Detroit Stock City
Deluxx Fluxx 1274 Library St., Detroit The lighting and art in the bathrooms at this nightclub are as cool as the rest of the space, which was designed by the duo FAILE. Credit: Layla McMurtrie
SheWolf 438 Selden St., Detroit A few people mentioned this restaurant as having some of the best bathrooms. “Huge, private rooms and sinks with counter space to set your purse on,” Redditor NarwhalsTooth said. Credit: Facebook, SheWolf
Kelly’s Bar 2403 Holbrook Ave., Hamtramck This old dive recently came under new ownership, who kept much of its gritty biker bar charm — with the exception of the bathrooms, which have been completely renovated with new tilework. “We have the cleanest bathrooms in Hamtramck,” owner Garrett Ragsdale boasted to us — and he’s probably right. Credit: Instagram, @detroitbathrooms
Signature Tattoo 230 W. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale For some reason in the bathroom at this tattoo shop there are many photos of Jesus. He just stares you while you use the toilet. Interesting, but strange enough to be good or bad, depending on what you’re into. Credit: Yelp
Detroit Film Theater 5200 Woodward Ave., Detroit A few people said that the bathrooms at the Detroit Institute of Arts’ film theater are some of the best in town. Credit: Courtesy of Detroit Film Theatre
Red Hook (Midtown) 3965 Woodward Ave., Detroit At the newest location of Red Hook, in the former Great Lakes Coffee space, the bathrooms are clean and nice, with the perfect amount of rustic vibes to make them cool too. Many people commented that the Midtown coffee shop is one of the best spots to poop. You’ll probably need it after drinking all that coffee. Credit: Instagram, @detroitbathrooms
The Garden Bowl 4140 Woodward Ave., Detroit The men’s bathroom at this bowling alley has no mirrors… no wonder the guys all look like that! Credit: Lee DeVito
UFO Factory 2110 Trumbull St., Detroit UFO Factory’s iconic pink bathroom is where Detroit hipsters go to see and be seen — selfies tagged there are regularly reposted on the rock ’n’ roll venue’s Instagram page. Credit: Instagram, @ufofactory

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