There's no turning back. You took the acid while sitting in the parking lot listening to Ira Glass talk about a mechanic in a small town who claims to be the reincarnation of Elvis Presley, and now you're in Bronner's — the world's biggest Christmas store, where it claims to be the most wonderful time of year all year long. This place has everything. Ornaments for every interest, political affiliation, and quirky animal obsession. There are inflatable lawn characters, pre-lit Christmas trees, and fellow psychopaths who are actively shopping during the holiday's off-season. This stuff is strong, you think to yourself, as a wall of elf-themed ornaments lean toward you and whisper a series of words that must be code for something. Meanwhile, a Bronner's employee approaches you and asks if you need help finding anything, but you're too distracted by a hallucination of a reindeer walking upright, and dressed like Ruth Bader Ginsburg to answer. Do you ...
Ask the employee to direct you to the North Pole? (Turn to page 9)
Quickly run to your car and head to your happy place — the Creature Conservancy in Ann Arbor? (Turn to page 14)
