Damn the jam 

Not that you’d ever guess it from the effusive coverage of the Woodward Dream Cruise that spewed from the media’s collective tailpipe last week, but the entire universe is not universally enthralled by the classic car spectacular. There are, dare we say, malcontents idling in our midst. How do we know this? The marquee above the doorway of Ferndale’s Magic Bag provided a not-so-subtle hint, announcing that last Saturday’s premiere attraction at the music and movie venue would be “Redneck Traffic Jam” followed by “Leave for Grayling” on Sunday.

“It is, by far, our worst week of the year,” informs Dan Haberman, co-owner of the bosco nightclub, located adjacent to the Bag, which is owned by brother Jeremy.

Hamburg flingers and beer pushers may pull in the greenbacks hand over fist, but the big-block revving throng of Camaroistas and attendant oglers — estimated to be 1.7 million strong this year by the event’s organizers — aren’t exactly club-going types, laments Haberman. And those who do seek the sonic nightlife (some of whom probably get around on bicycles, fer gawdsake) are loathe to venture near the insane traffic generated by the cruise, which, says Haberman, began building a week or so in advance of the event’s official staging on Saturday. “Some businesses make out like bandits, but for lots of others it’s an absolute killer,” he observes.

As for the reference to General Lee on the marquee, Haberman says that jibe was inspired by all the Stars and Bars of the Confederacy being flown on vehicles this year.

“A monster truck with three Confederate flags flying from it is a scary sight,” he says.

News Hits suggests that, instead of trying to fight the massive horsepower that is the Dream Cruise, Haberman go with the traffic flow by firing up the projector next year and offer up a few gearhead flicks. A double feature like Cannonball Run and Smokey and the Bandit , Part 2 could be a hot ticket. (But avoid Crash.) Otherwise, see ya’ll in Grayling.

Curt Guyette is the Metro Times news editor. E-mail cguyette@metrotimes.com

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