Sex, sex, sex, sex ...

Well, now that I’ve got your attention ... ah, that magic word … just three little letters invoke one gigantic smorgasbord of fetishes, fascinations, hang-ups, diatribes and designer cologne commercials. Sex sells. Sex intrigues. Sex scandalizes. Sex starts some careers and finishes others. Any channel on the television, any URL on the Web: It’s all about sex, sex, sex, sex, sex!

Yes, we Americans might be obsessed with movie ratings and cussing on TV, but secretly we’re a dirty-minded sex-obsessed bunch o’ pervs, rivaled perhaps only by the Japanese and their stomach-turning puke-and-poop fetishes.

Therefore, it’s no surprise that sex conventions are spreading across the country faster than herpes did in the 1970s. These titillating weekend expos have drawn thousands of attendees in LA, NY, San Francisco, and Toronto.

This weekend, Detroit will present its first and very own sordid convo: Sexpo!, which is billed as a “convention erotique” (apparently it’s classier when you say it in French).

Sexpo! is brought to you by the same filthy masterminds behind the now-infamous Dirty Show, the unabashedly ribald art exhibit now in its fourth year. Sexpo! was originally intended as a spin-off of Dirty, and is spearheaded (heh-heh) by lovable quirkster and karaoke guru Jeremy Harvey. The infamous former Orbit publisher, Jerry “Vile” Peterson, is working behind the scenes (heh-heh) as well.

“All sorts of like-minded people are combining forces to create what should be one of the weirdest and wildest events in recent history,” says Harvey, an artist who once showed a collection of his work at CPOP which consisted entirely of paintings of buttholes.

Unlike the Dirty Show, which was devoted strictly to Motor City smut peddlers, er, artists, Sexpo! has wrangled some national talent from such heathens, er, artists as Anthony Ausgang, Mark Mothersbaugh (of Devo fame), and Isabel Samaras. Of course, the usual indecent suspects will make a showing, including lewd and lascivious locals Niagara, Mark Arminsky, Tom Thewes and more.

Furthermore, should the evening’s suggestive matter stir up some juices in you and your loved one(s), there will be strap-ons a-plenty for sale! Gee whiz, Wally! A whole bevy of bawdy “erotic exhibitors” will be vending their filthy tools of fornication — everything from studded dog collars and sex toys to a product that allegedly re-grows the foreskin on a circumcised penis. Harvey likens it to “a veritable Gibraltar Trade Center of sex.” Hopefully … with more teeth.

Truly a multimedia extravaganza, the convention will also feature lots of good, old-fashioned T&A — live and in person! Expect scintillating and sordid entertainment from those scantily clad harlots the Demolition Dollrods, and a cornucopia of envelope-pushing performance art, including a cutting-edge dance troupe, an ass-spanky fetish show, a bevy of burlesque beauties and an outlandish fashion show. (Full editorial disclosure: The author — that brazen little hussy — will perform at the event.) There are also bodypainting and drag queen contests with cash prizes.

Given the salacious nature of the event, anything is possible.

“Not even we know what is going to happen,” says Harvey.

You bet yer rosy-red, freshly flogged ass! One thing’s for sure: Sexpo! will probe (heh-heh) every naughty little nuance our disgustingly deviant human minds can dredge up. In fact, most of the press photos were so naughty we were hard-pressed (heh-heh) to find one suitable enough for even our flamingly liberal publication! Boy, howdy!