Please PLEASE don’t say this to anyone, and if you see a suburbanite say this outside of Detroit, please tell them why they’re wrong.

 

By Michael Milhim

I heard you can buy a house for a dollar. It’s at least a thousand dollars, and don’t act like what you’re buying’s a house in the way you want it to be. Photo via creative Commons user Notorious4life
Yall might as well be part of Canada. We’re good, thanks though. Photo via Creative Commons user Norris Wong
Go to Chicago for the good pizza. Not unless you want to go into a cheese coma; go to Buddy’s to get a reasonable version of deep dish. Photo via Creative Commons user Filmgod
Wait, Detroit’s on a river? It’s not like Detroit was and is a major port for shipping or anything. Photo via Creative Commons user jodelli
The Lions suck. GTFOH. Photo via Dontae Rockymore
Electric Forest is the best music electronic festival. Sure if you like paying out the ass for corporate, mainstream fuckery. DEMF (or Movement or whatever) will always be #1. Period. Photo via Electric Forest’s Facebook
So you must love Eminem. Who doesn’t? Photo via Creative Commons user Mika photography
Isn’t it Day-twah? Screw that dude, we’ll pass on the imperial undertones. Photo via Flickr user wisegie
You have a better chance of seeing a celeb at the courthouse than the Joe. Nobody’s perfect, asshole. Photo via Flickr user Brian Turner
There’re too many casinos in Detroit. There aren’t enough casinos wherever you’re from. Photo via Creative Commons user Santcomm
You need a gun to live in Detroit. No you don’t. Some want ’em, some people don’t. It’s America.
Detroit’s the new hip place to live. I think the jury’s still out on whether the hipsters have done more good than harm, and if the harm they’ve done (because they definitely have) is forgivable or not. Photo via Flickr user Cubmundo
Livin in South Detroit The city’s broken up east/west, so obviously Steve Perry hasn’t been to Detroit much. Photo via Creative Commons user Matt Beaker
Isn’t the Gathering of the Juggalos here every year? Don’t put that evil on us Ricky Bobby! Photo via Creative Commons user Jake Metcalf
Philly soul is better than Motown. I get that you like the Delfonics, but you can’t deny that we’re Hitsville, USA. Photo via Creative Commons user TMPeukert
Chicago is the new hockeytown. Yeah, ok, sure, it’s not like the Wings have 4 more Stanley cups than the Blackhawks. Photo via Creative Commons user Michael Righi
It must be nice to have a real winter every year. For like three days it is, if we even have one. The slush alone is enough to regret not going to Florida with your grandparents. Photo via Mikerussell from projectcode
Wait, you can’t take the People Mover everywhere? Don’t remind us. Photo via Creative Commons user Mr. Granger
No, it’s soda. No, it’s pop. Photo via Flickr user Hungry Dudes

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