Turn to the right

This is how the ubiquitous female fashion mags rank: Vogue fares well editorially, but it’s got too many ads; Elle offers the occasional artistic photo shoot (although it seems it’s becoming more clichéd by the month); and Cosmo, well, Cosmo offers trash talk that the guys actually believe we buy into. This month’s Cosmopolitan proves how funny (read: useless) those fashion editors’ trend pages really can be. In the back of July’s Reese Witherspoon issue, page 258’s “Last Gasp” exhibits the “jaw-dropping trends” of celebrities clad in patriotic spirit. A few famous felines are bedecked and bedazzled in T-shirts, miniskirts and sleeveless sweaters that incorporate the American flag emblem. But the page also tracks a few pretty faces wearing the Brit flag, and two cutlines actually read: “Kimberly Stewart pledges allegiance to her bag” and “Beyonce Knowles is the star … in a star spangled banner.” Sorry, Cosmo, Stewart’s not pledging allegiance to the United States and Knowles shouldn’t be captioned according to this country’s national song. Yes it’s tough, what with the red, white and blue and all, to keep those damn flags straight. For info on the Cosmo way to meet a man, cash a $5 bill at the local newsstand (that’s Detroit-talk for Rite Aid).