They said what?!?

We had a few questions for our third annual Live and Lust Poll. More than a hundred of you let us into some nooks and crannies of your lives and imaginations.

The Contours sang, "First I look at the purse." What do you look at first?

He's got to be taller then me. I'm only 5'1. Hair, oddly enough, as my boyfriend is balding. Go figure! • Ring finger! The clothes. I like guys who wear clothes that don't cling, don't sparkle, don't cost more than three digits and are regularly washed. I look to see how drunk they are. If she's falling over, I'm not talking. • Her friends. • TEETH! His package. The hands — men with pretty hands are a turn-off. Men that bite their nails are even worse. Definitely their eyes, then their teeth and hair. If they have bad teeth, it's over. • Adam's apple. On a woman, I love a thin waist, long legs and sexy, thick, long hair. ... On a man, I always look to see if he's bulging in his pants. I look at hair first. I like to get a good idea of what I'm going to be running my hands through and grasping onto while I'm moaning in ecstasy! Oh, the eyes, yessss ... the eyes. Eyes. They will often seal the deal. • Look at the way he walks and his ass. Shoulders, a man has gotta have big beefy shoulders to be manly. I am an ass man, but the boobs are the first thing I notice. Feet and eyes in that order :) You always look at the elbows first. It's the best way to determine whether that fine-bodied woman at the bar whose back is to you is pushing 50 years of age. A guy's V, ya know that defined spot on their hip that leads your eye to the business. Oh, man, I love it! Tits. • His shirt, if it's from Hollister, AE, etc., it's a no-go Depends on the direction she's walking. I look at a female's booty first. I check out a man's eyes. Always the booty. I am an arms kind of gal. I need strong arms to get scooped up in. Face. The eyes have everything. • Smile. Janky teeth are very distracting. The way he walks and his ass. The eyes are the window to the soul, truly. The cock area, LOL. Let me look into his eyes. I take in the whole picture. • Whatever skin is showing. 

Have you ever "sexted"? What was it like? What'd you say? What'd you snap a photo of?

Yes. while on a road trip, I texted pics as I crossed each stateline. First was a pic. of the state sign and then followed a pic of my tits. Aquarius, 31 years,  8 partners, bi It was a fun experience, however, the webcam sex is better than sexting. ... I didn't snap a photo of myself, but I certainly loved the ones he sent me.  Brokke, 30 years,  17 partners,  straight Nope. I'm a teacher — I'm afraid I'd be fired if anyone found anything naughty about me.  Elizabeth, 27 years, 13 partners,  straight  Multiple times on Second Life. ... It was great of our naked avis having sex. Concerned Dad, 54 years, 50 partners, straight • I prefer the term "sexy texting." It sounds classier. I've sent a photo series of me getting myself off.  Beatrix, 28 years,  8 partners, lesbian Never full-blown "sexted," but I do enjoy throwing out a steamy message while I know the person is at work or in class. There's nothing like sending the classic "I want to suck your ... " while he's sitting in a staff meeting.  Gilly, 27 years, 15 partners,  straight •  Yeah. It was ballsy because my mate accidently left his phone in the bathroom of his job. I said, "I can't wait for your mouth to be on my pussy." I took a picture of it. Jameelah, 28 years,  6 partners,  straight He loves my girls. I snap pics of them oiled, covered in soap, in sexy bras, covered in chocolate syrup, a Star Wars action figure sitting in my cleavage.  CocoaThunder, 24  years, 15 partners,  straight An ex sent me a message while she was at work, after having spent the night at my place. I was hanging out with some friends at the time and one of them grabbed my phone when it went off before I did and read it off to everyone there. She said "My vajayjay is still sore from last night, but I can't wait to get on top of you when I get home!" Niko, 32 years, 12 partners, straightOnce I sent a picture of my feet to a guy I knew that had a foot fetish.  Kinky Kitty, 28 years, 4 partners,  bi


Finish one of these thoughts: "The first time I ..." or "The last time I ..."

The first time I slept with a dude, I honestly remember thinking, "Yup, I am a lesbian." Beatrix, 28 years, 8 partners, lesbianThe first time I had a threesome with my husband and another woman, I freaked out and cried for days. Now I'm totally down with it. Clover, 39 years, 20 partners, straightThe first time I gave a woman oral pleasure was not at all as I had imagined it to be. Someone should have dropped all the lovely adjectives and just said, "It's a bit tangy." b00dah, 46 years, 4 partners, straight The last time I had good sex was not with my wife! Rob, 32 years, 20 partners, straightThe first time I came from a sexual encounter, my girl never touched my penis. Jaime, 27 years, 4 partners, straightThe last time I have two guys in one night. I'm not impressed. Sabina, 29 years, 24 partners, straightThe first time I felt a woman's breast, I was stunned at how similar to a water balloon it felt and remember being really disappointed. Bob, 29 years, 5 partners, straight The first time I bought a vibrator was with my mom's credit card. Ann, 25 years, 15+ partners, straightThe first time I ate a pussy I knew I would be doing it a lot. Jeff, 47 years, 31 partners, straightThe first time I had sex was at a friend's Bat Mitzvah, in an empty room in a banquet hall. candlestick maker 80, 29 years, 10 partners, straightThe first time I had sex, we broke a glass and a shower door. Elizabeth, 27 years, 13 partners, straightThe first time I saw her, I knew I would always love her. Willie, 56 years, 60 partners, straightThe first time I took down a cougar, it was also my fiancee's first threesome, and her first time with a woman. Triple first. Jane, 27 years, 40 partners, bisexualThe last time I got off with someone from Facebook via the computer was last night. Buffy, 43 years, 20 partners, straightThe first time I felt lust, I thought to myself, "This is an emotion I can really get into." :) Constantine, 39 years, 15 partners, bisexualThe first time I masturbated was with my mom's vibrator (hidden under her bed). It was some sort of "contraption" for massaging sore muscles, circa 1960. donna, 45 years, 100-plus partners, straightThe last time I had sex, I could have fallen asleep. Chloe, 27 years, 21 partners, bisexual The first time I had oral sex, the woman squirted all over my face. Gary, 56 years, 9 partners, straightThe first time I masturbated, I wondered when the world started finding normal labia to be unruly. Gabrielle, 36 years, 5 partners, straight The first time I had sex was the week before my 16th birthday. The last time I had sex was with a super-hot 24-year-old and I am 33! Christy, 33 years, 9 partners, straightThe first time I came, I was 12 and in the shower. I was thinking of a fictional character. That character still gets me off at 21. Delilia, 21 years, 0 partners, straightThe first time I was kissed was at the top of a Ferris wheel. Trixy, 23 years, 2 partners, straight


Sex ed time: What's the lesson you'd like to teach the world?

For the young girls of the world, I must say: Oral sex is still sex. You can't get pregnant but you can get an STD in the throat. To some of these moms, I must say: Be a freak in the streets if you want, but be a lady at home in front of the kids. TheQueen, 35 years, 45 partners, straightBoys, it's OK to stick one finger in her bum while you're going down on her. It will most likely facilitate the process. Janet, 26 years, 10 partners, straightDon't have sex just cause everyone is doing it, wait for the right time. Lisa, 26 years, 15 partners, straightOral sex is the key. Give and receive. Play with it and remember, if you won't, there are tons of women who would. And ask your partner how they like it. Maria, 23 years, 12 partners, straightHaving sex is an adult decision, which can be liberating, energizing and at times regretful. You need to empower yourself with knowledge of what STIs are. ... I make my decisions when sober. So many times people make decisions in the heat of the moment. Having a few drinks, clouds the judgement. Blaze, 38 years, 20 partners, straightIf you ever want to go down on your wife or girlfriend again, never, ever watch them give birth. Seriously. candlestick maker 80, 29 years, 10 partners, straightThe mouth is not the only orifice of a pack-a-day smoker that tastes like an ashtray. Cereal7, 23 years, 11 partners, straight Never tell a guy you like it in the ass the first time. This is known to scare them. delicious, 21 years, 8 partners, straight You can talk women into doing anything sexually if you're confident in yourself. And I mean anything! pete kite, 35 years, 110 partners, straight Making a baby to "fix" a relationship is never successful. Chloe, 44 years, 27 partners, straightBoth women and men have G-spots. If you don't know where they are, it's so much fun practicing finding it! K!tty, 33 years, 100 partners, straight The joys of watching one's wife let go and become a sexual animal with another man, other than her hubbyWilber, 45 years, 9 partners, straight Ass play does not make you gay, and, even if it does, who the fuck cares? Mark, 30 years, 50 partners, biGirls: You can actually get laid whenever you want to. Get over thinking men are a challenge. The right ones you don't have to work that hard for. Anne, 40 years, lots of partners, straightAN ORGASM MAY LAST MERE SECONDS, A BABY LASTS A LIFETIME! WRAP THAT SHIT UP, B! Jack, 27 years, 30 partners, straightHow to give a proper blow job. I once taught my girlfriend by using a Blowpop, ironically, years before Lil' Wayne came out with the "Lollipop" song, which, coincidentally ended up being one of her favorite songs. Gabriella, 26 years, 12 partners, straightBe comfortable with yourself completely. If you're not, you're missing out on the best sexual experiences because you're holding back. Don't be afraid to keep the lights on or bend a certain way. ... You're there for a reason: He wants it too. ScarletFox, 32 years, straight

Calling Dr. Freud: What sexual dream have you had that you'd like thousands of MT readers to likewise ponder?

In my dream I used a sex toy to get — gag — get my mother off. I heard when you care deeply, or are worried about family members you may have dreams like this, and I've been worrying a lot about my mom's drinking lately. Regina, 29 years,  25+ partners,  straight 

Being used as bait by being impaled on large hook and lowered into the water, and then being rescued and magically healed by a mermaid who I expected to fuck but who brought me home and fed me to her merman husband instead. Bob, 29 years, 5 partners,  straight 

Why on earth did I dream about Barack Obama during the election? That left me very confused and grossed out. I mean, I voted for him and all, but ... Amy, 26 years, 3 partners,  bi

Lesbian affair with Michelle Obama. Lola, 37 years,  50+ partners,  bi 

I had this weird dream once that I had been invited out to dinner by the man I was currently dating and when we arrived at the restaurant, the hostess lead us to a more private seating area and once I got there I saw seated around the table was every guy that I had had sex with. Lisa, 45 years,  8 partners

I get fucked by Darth Vader. Figure that one out. Lady M, 38 years, 15 partners, bi 

Two lesbians fought over turning me gay while my boyfriend watched. J9, 25 years, 9 partners,   bi

Pouring wine on the nipples of a girl cousin I don't even like very much and licking it off. Henri, 50 years,  1 partner,  straight 

I had a dream that me and my boyfriend were having sex in the middle of the rink during a Detroit Derby Girls match. Babie, 34 years, 6 partners, straight 

Can anything keep the lusty mojo kicking in a long-term relationship?

Do it in the car in the garage. Connie, 48 years, 1 partner,  straight • Role playing and porno ... find a good porn that you both like and react the scene. Talio, 30 years, 15 partners, straight Role-playing, costumes and food. CocoaThunder, 24 years, 15 partners, straight Kinky fucking sex keeps a long-term relationship going — piss-play, handcuffs, exhibitionistic sex, threesomes, role-playing, etc. Me, 45 years,  30 partners,  bi Walking out of my bedroom in a never-before-seen outfit of knee-high boots, fishnet stockings and black mini — then getting on my knees ... ;) Donna, 45 years, 100+ partners, straight Kama Sutra front to back and then back to front till you've gotten every position perfect. Zed, 50 years, 750 partners, straight Remember: Date your mate. The key is to share the homework, kids homework, etc. Little notes, text, flowers, erotic books, movies, experiment. Last, exercise and try to keep in shape. This helps keep your mojo and you look good for your mate. Benny, no age, 8 partners,  straight I used to give my boyfriend head every morning when we were in college, so I try to channel that thing that got me to do that. Gabrielle , 36 years, 5 partners, straight You have to keep your partner wanting you. Try new things sexually. Flirt with one another, act like it will be the first time all over again. Ababyvoice, 35 years,  28 partners,  bi Handcuffs and lollipops. Ryant Bay, 30, unknown partners, straight No. Miguel, 40 years, 25 partners,  bi

What's the least likely come-on line you've ever tried or fallen for? What was the best?

The best come-on I've fallen for? Hmm ... has to be "You're hired!" A guy decided to hire me just to get me to go to lunch with him. TheQueen, 35 years, 45 partners, straight The least likely was at the bar when a future fuck buddy offered me a "car wash" — which consisted of us walking about 30 feet behind the bar, him pinning me from behind (not that behind) and screwing my brains out at the car wash. In the stall. Regina, 29 years, 25-plus partners, straight The least likely I've fallen for is: "You. Bedroom. Now." Jaime, 27 years, 4 partners, straight Worst I ever tried: Well, your roommate won't have sex with me, will you? (I married her).  Henri, 50 years, 1 partner, straight "You gave me this look like you wanted to fuck me," was what he said to me. We did. Klynn, 44 years, 30 partners, straight "We're going to be landing soon, would you like to make out?" It worked. No one was more surprised than me. Bob, 29 years, 5 partners, straight From the car on the curb, I could not clearly see who my friend was talking to on the porch. He looked familiar, and when he waved, I returned the gesture. Then he called out "Hello," and again, I returned in kind, though my curiosity was stirred. He was acting like he knew me, and I wondered if it were this guy, Eric, who I had a major crush on. As I approached the porch, I asked if I knew him, but as I stepped closer, I realized that I didn't. "I don't know you," I stated flatly. "But, you'd like to." I still recall the heat of the blush that washed over my face. He was cute, and the audacity of his statement only magnified his cocky confidence. He was right. I've spent the past 23 years getting to know him. Dawn, 40 years, 15 partners, straight

When it comes to sex scenes in the cinema, we asked you about the best and the worst in mainstream movies.

Some movies you came back to over and over again, for instance 9 1/2 Weeks; "overrated" opined one respondent, while numerous others gave a blanket affirmation or pointed out their favorite scenes ("blindfolded in front of the fridge" ... "when Mickey Rourke gets the hooker for a blindfolded Kim Basinger"). Mickey Rourke, in fact, was the turn-on guy with numerous mentions, too, of Angel Heart (with Lisa Bonet) and Wild Orchid (with Carré Otis), the latter prompting the comment: "OMG ... I want sex like that forever." Other multiple mentions went to flicks including Basic Instinct, (nods to Michael Douglas with both Sharon Stone and Jeanne Tripplehorn), Unfaithful (the stairway and bathroom scenes), Body Heat (William Hurt and Kathleen Turner), Love Jones (Nia Long and Larenz Tate), Original Sin ("because both the characters" — Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie — "seem to want it really badly, instead of it just being the man"), Y Tu Mamá También (Ana López Mercado, Diego Luna and Gael García Bernal). 

Not that others didn't report sexual kicks from scenes in flicks including Animal House, Team America: World Police, 8 Mile, 300, The Big Easy, Blow, Bound, The Postman Always Rings Twice (the 1981 version with the kitchen table scene), Bull Durham, Last Tango in Paris, Titanic, The Hunger, Jason's Lyric, Dancing at the Blue Iguana and Innocent Blood. Then there was The Watchmen scene when Owl and Silk Sceptre "do it in the Owl Ship," which Janet told us she liked and hated. 

But more than a few poll-takers dismissed the premise of the question. "The best scenes are all in real porn," you said more than once. And on that count, O, how you liked to talk about The Story of O

And the worst: While at least one filmgoer out there finds Monster's Ball a turn-on, the more typical comment was "blarg!" Eyes Wide Shut was multiply mentioned as overrated. Other films you declared sex-scene losers: Pink Flamingo ("can't imagine anything grosser than the guy fucking the chicken"), the beginning of Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, Knocked Up, Robert De Niro and Heather Brown in Jackie Brown, Blue Velvet, Laura Linney and Rodrigo Santoro in Love Actually ("because it never actually happens"), Barbarella, "the hand job in Antichrist ending with the ejaculation of blood," Dirty Dancing, Y Tu Mamá También ("just didn't' get it"), Deliverance, Last House on the Left ("rape is for losers"), that "epileptic scene" from Showgirls (with Kyle Maclachlan and "the chick from Saved by the Bell"), Colors and The 40 Year Old Virgin. 

There were also some generic complaints: "Sex scenes in all horror and Armageddon movies, always at the wrong time," "anything from those vile, untrue American Pie fairy tales," and "any scene where the woman still has her bra on." And one more: "anything involving Tom Cruise."

Calling Dr. Jung: What sexual fantasy have you had that you'd like thousands of MT readers to get off on?

I want to have sex in the glass elevators of the GM building. I would stop them about half way so everyone looking from the street could watch. danielle, 19 years, 90 partners, bi 

I have a fantasy of living in a people zoo in an alien world, in a long skinny house with one giant glass wall that the aliens can see through  — it's a zoo, after all. That sex (with another person, not an alien) would be amazing.  DelliBean, 25 years, 10 partners, straight 

I like Girl Scout cookies too much and buy them by the case directly from a den mother. My girl said I should buy them from the kids. One day she came to the door in a Brownie costume and wanted me to buy the cookies she came to show me! Creature, 52 years, 6 partners, straight 

Women aren't supposed to be into gangbangs or DP, but I want to anyway!  Michelle, 31 years, 6 partners, straight 

I'm an attractive girl (bi) and have only been with "butch" girls. I want to have sex with a girly girl with long hair. Vivian, 30 years, 42 partners,  bi

The one fantasy I've had that I still have has been the threesome deal. My best friend and I have been getting approached about it since we were teenagers. We finally said, what the hell, and we almost did it a few years ago, but it went terribly. I left! LOL. It's funny that it never was a fantasy before I agreed to do it, but now that it never happened, it has become my main fantasy.  hunnybee, 37 years, 15+ partners,  straight 

I have a fantasy that my husband and I are considered so explosive that we're chosen to be a demonstration couple at a weekend sexuality workshop. We just get it on while other people watch and feel very superior due to our sex skills. Belladonsah, 32 years, 11 partners, straight 

This guy I once knew worked at a funeral home. I would often masturbate while fantasizing about screwing him at work. Lint, 27 years, 3 partners,  bi 

I want to meet the perfect submissive slut to bring home to my boyfriend. Jeanine, 25 years,  9 partners,  bi 

Sex at a packed concert hall. Tons of people everywhere, everyone crammed.

A lot of you said you just don't find lusty pleasures in the text — some of you specified what indulgences keep you from reading. But folks who did go for textual healing had some clear faves. Several mentioned Anne Rice, and particularly The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Rice and A. N. Roquelaure: "quite the panty-wetter, I mean page-turner" ... "very S&M, highly erotic, brutal, sexy." Multiple mentions also for Zane ("any sex scene from any Zane book"), The Story of O, and the Sookie Stackhouse novels. Other books and authors called to the foreplay included Whoreson by Donald Goines ("when he was getting oral from an older lady, reminded me of my first time"), Jackie Collins novels, Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel, Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut ("where John is enchanted by Mona"), Even Cowgirls Get the Blues by Tom Robbins ("Sissy Hankshaw got down!"), and Pet Sematary by Stephen King ("the bathtub jackoff sequence"), the last section of Ulysses by James Joyce ("sex in literature should not be sexy"), Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller and writings by Anaïs Nin. Some singled-out scenes: 

• "The part of Jaws where Brody's wife sleeps with the fish scientist. I was way too young to be reading this book, and the sharks gave me nightmares. The sex part, though, was the first time I'd ever read about that sort of thing and it fascinated me. I can still remember the wife imagining herself with her vagina 'yawning open, glistening wet,' or something like that. I couldn't figure out why on Earth it would be wet. I get it now."

• "As a 14-year-old, I once found an old school 'smutty' novel (Little Girl Blue) in a bin of used books and risked embarrassment on the hopes that, if I bought a few others, the elderly clerk wouldn't notice. This was extremely explicit text-porn. The book ends with a DP that is positively torrid, or was to my adolescent mind."

• "It's not overtly sex-fueled, but there's a scene in Tipping the Velvet (by Sarah Waters) when Nan first meets Kitty, removing her glove to shake Kitty's hand. Very much an oyster girl, Nan's hands are covered with 'those rank sea-scents, of liquor and oyster-flesh, crab-meat and whelks, which had flavoured my fingers and those of my family for so many years we had ceased, entirely, to notice them.' Nan is mortified that she smells like a herring, but Kitty assuages her fears, kissing her hand and telling her she instead smells like a mermaid. Now that is incredibly sexy."

• "Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson. The scene where Y.T. and Raven get it on. I have no idea why — but it drives me up a wall every time I read it. Maybe it's because the guy is wired to a nuke?"

Do you practice safe sex? How do you protect yourself and/or your partners from STDS and unwanted pregnancy? How do you broach the subject?

Condoms. The topic should be approached directly. If that's a problem, it's your problem that you won't be getting any. Trixy, 23  years, 2  partners,  straight I will not suck on a dick unless it has a condom on it. Unfortunately, licking pussy means taking chances, but asking about the cleanliness is done as tactfully as possible: "Is it OK if I lick your pussy?" Kurt, 45 years,  27 partners,  bi No condoms, no sex. Period. I say it, flat out. No beating around the bush. I hate when people try to dance around a topic. Just. Fucking. Say. It. I'll respect you more. I practice safe sex by not screwing every drunken stud downtown. I'm still a virgin but clamydia's not a fair trade. I'll stick with my toys, thank you very much. Delilia, 21 years,  no partners,  straight I had unprotected sex two weeks ago. I should know better, but got caught up in the moment(s). Now I am worried about pregnancy and STD's ... stupid, stupid, stupid. Buffy, 43 years, 20 partners, straight I use condoms with strangers. Get checked out now if you dont. And I'm fixed because I'm addicted to that creampie! LOL. J9, 25 years, 9 partners,  bi Always use a condom and insist that whoever is fucking me does the same. Me, 45 years,  30 partners,  bi I personally take birth control and prefer that my man wears a condom as well. Despite what people are always saying, the feeling is not that much different. In fact, being certain you won't contract any diseases should make it feel that much better! Don't forget to keep any toys you might use very clean and sanitary also. Lint, 27 years,  3 partners,  bi  I always get tested after I'm with a new partner, because there are things you can still get with using a condom. You have to be safe and look out for yourself first and foremost. Always remember these three letters: DTA! Don't Trust Anybody! Niko, 32 years,  12 partners,  straight I'm not good at safe sex, I can't lie. I get tested yearly and have been fine. I need to be more careful, I realize this. pete kite, 35 years,  10 partners,  straight If you're not comfortable talking about sex, then you shouldn't be having it. Belladonsah, 32 years, 11 partners, straight Play with all. Only exchange bodily fluids with one. K!tty, 44 years, 100 partners, straight I take birth control pills and always carry condoms with me or keep some stashed in my car. When the time comes, I take control.  Dee, 29 years, 48 partners,  straight I've been married to the same woman for 43 years and learned early on to stop running around and be thankful for the Jewel I have at home and who I KNOW has got my back. Wolfgang, 66 years, 50 partners, straight


Mind in the gutters by Sean Bieri
An incomplete and highly subjective selection of the sexiest characters in comics

Notes of a dirty old man by Brian Smith
Jerry Vile recalls some unforgettable moments from a decade of The Dirty Show

Plug and play by Travis R. Wright
Big 3 engineer takes buyout, invents fuck machine

Sex Songs Hall of Fame by Metro Times staff
Songs designed to put butterflies in the guts of boys and girls

Kiss me by Norene Smith
Painless pointers for the perfect power-pout

Where's the jockstrap? by Paul Knoll & David Paul
Let's see, were we watching the Super Bowl or gay porn ...

My first porno by Bill Holdship
And, yes, it had a lot to do with my grandma

Skin trade review by Bill Holdship
Porn star Tera Patrick is full of herself — and not much else

Beyond porn review by Sean Bieri
Alan Moore believes in better eroticism

Scroll to read more Metro Detroit News articles


Join Detroit Metro Times Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.