The Return of the Hit Man

Tommy Hearns steps back in the ring to take another swing

Jan 10, 2014 at 2:22 pm

Just when you thought he’d thrown in the towel, the Motor City Cobra has returned to the airwaves. Yes, Thomas “The Hit Man” Hearns is back on the air in a new TV ad.

But this time around, the champ doesn’t want to put you on your back ...

... he wants to take you to court.

You see, Tommy (for some reason) has teamed up with Detroit-based tomato can attorney Ven Johnson. And while Tommy looks like he’s still in fighting shape, oddsmakers are skeptical he can go the distance.

So where Tommy sometimes faded in the later rounds, you can rest assured that Ven will never stop fighting for you:

Now cobras, we know, have a tremendous sense of smell. And with Ven slithering all over the ring like this, Tommy’s gotta sense somethin’ stinks.

(Of course, one would hate to be considered malodorous by one’s chums, now, wouldn’t one?) /

OK, so maybe Ven’s not big on deodorant. Maybe he’s partial to Stallone cologne:

Or maybe he fancies himself a pop star:

Whatever the case, with Tommy Hearns in his corner, Ven Johnson’s movin’ up in class. Dude’s a bonafide light heavyweight now.

So, hey, Ven, more power to ya:

Still, poor Ven’s still got some work to do before he gets a shot at the title.

I mean, he can’t float, he can’t sting ... and he can’t fly eitherrrr ...