Merry XXXmas

Johnny Wadd

Nothing brightens a face on Christmas morn like the gift of classic porn, and Johnny Wadd is about as classic as you can get. The golden age '70s Wadd stars the man himself, John C. Holmes, and the almost comically enormous penis he was attached to. Of course, Holmes, his pioneering adult work, his alleged drug-world involvement and his subsequent death from AIDS have become the stuff of legend, but put all of that aside for now. Step into the shot-on-film world of Johnny Wadd, written and directed by veteran XXX helmer Bob Chinn, where Holmes makes his feature porn debut as man-about-vagina and general badass Wadd. Granted, for fans of current, no-holes-barred fare where women are treated like little more than someplace to deposit semen, this ain't that. The sex is hot, certainly (and just watching Holmes' pants monster in action is a jaw-dropping experience), but there's actually an element of respect, dare I say it, among the participants. There's also some great cheesy acting in this digital, wet-gated, color-corrected piece of history, which offers great bonus material: a revealing interview with Chinn (who was supposedly the model for Burt Reynolds' character in Paul Thomas Anderson's wonderful Boogie Nights), an absorbing director's commentary and extra scenes.

Tera Patrick's Porn Star Pool Party

Christmas comes but once a year, but Tera Patrick's Porn Star Pool Party is a gift that keeps on giving. The exotic stunner knows how to have a good time, as this throbbing all-girl splash fest proves. We're talking 17 of porndom's hottest presents to XXX fans including Daisy Marie, Angie Savage, Mya Luanna, Charmane Star, Lexi Belle and Maya Gates, all greased and revved up to pleasure each other in ways best left unmentioned in a family paper. Suffice to say that the toys these dripping, sex-charged vixens play with are not the kind Santa makes at the North Pole. To cap it all off, kooky Tera also gives us a gaggle of diaper-clad midgets, just for laughs, thank goodness. Reality television is full of freakshows, and this ain't that. When it comes to porn that works its magic, Patrick obviously knows what her audience wants, and it's not gorgeous sluts getting it on with midgets. Although, given the season, elves might be more appropriate.

A Sperm-Load a Day (Keeps the Doctor Away)
Jules Jordan Video

For the XXX fan on your Xmas list who favors max filth, this Erik Everhard-directed spin will be a welcome package to unwrap. Searing blowbangs and astonishing butt action abound as perved-up talents such as Annette Schwartz, Rebecca Linares, Chelsie Rae, Barbie Cummings, Erika, and Lara Stevens prove they're in the right profession, and, get this, fans: this thing is five hours long, and every minute of this two-disc set — including the coy intro-teases — is dirty as heck. One of the hottest scenes is right at the top, Annette Schwartz as a Catholic schoolgirl who gets a special lesson from the teacher (with a little help from the rest of the class). Yeah, not the most original setup, but Schwartz is a stunning and willing pupil. In the second disc, Laura Stevens outdoes herself in the Truly Disgusting Department, utilizing a spoon and, well, it's not for everybody. Everhard fans will be happy with this over-the-top chunk of adult, and, in the increments most dudes and some women watch this stuff, it should last till next Xmas.

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