Free Will Astrology

Jun 9, 2004 at 12:00 am
ARIES (March 21-April 19): While living in Manhattan in the 1950s, avant-garde composer John Cage felt beleaguered by the omnipresence of radio sound. Rather than piss and moan, he wrote a musical piece that featured several radios tuned to different frequencies. After that, he was always able to respond to street radio noise with a pleasant sense of "They’re playing my song." According to my reading of the astrological omens, Aries, this is a perfect strategy for you to borrow in the coming week. Turn something that bothers you into something that comforts you, enhances you, or both. (Thanks to Ruby for inspiring this horoscope.)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): One of my readers, Elizabeth Whitsage, told me a story of when she was working at Disneyland selling mouse-eared balloons. Every so often a mother, father and young son would come up to her, the parents asking in enthusiastic voices "What color do you want?" and the son answering "Pink!" One parent, usually the father, would recoil in horror and say something like, "No, son, don’t you want red or blue?" But before the child could reply, Elizabeth would whip a pink balloon out of the bunch and wrap its string around his wrist. Keep this story uppermost in mind during the week ahead, Taurus. Make sure that you always get and always give your personal equivalent of the pink balloon.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): From an astrological perspective, last January wasn’t an ideal time to make New Year’s resolutions. I’d be surprised if you kept any of the promises you made back then. On the other hand, now is a perfect moment to make New Year’s-type resolutions. Here are a few free samples to inspire you. 1. "I resolve to seek out conversations that are so intense and interesting that I lose track of time." 2. "While in the throes of road rage, I resolve to howl like a wolf." 3. "I resolve to unashamedly pray for cash, enjoy how messy my room is, and sing along loudly with the muzak in public places."

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Jean-Dominique Bauby was a 43-year-old editor when he suffered an unusual stroke. Though his brain remained undamaged, his entire body was paralyzed except for his left eye. Slowly he learned to communicate in code by blinking, and over the next two years he dictated a memoir, *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.* Critics have described it as "inspirational" and "a jewel." Bauby is your role model during this last difficult phase of your yearly cycle, Cancerian. Though you won’t suffer from any physical affliction, your psychic turmoil may make you feel imprisoned and inaccessible. And yet I promise you that you *can* find a way to liberate your mind and convey luminous truths to the people who matter.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I don’t know if you’re the type of person who enjoys trance-dancing half-undressed till 4 a.m. at bacchanalian parties, then prowling the early morning streets barking at the moon and singing songs from Broadway musicals with loony companions until you end up playing strip poker outside an all-night diner as the sun comes up. But if you are that type of person, this will be a perfect week to indulge your inclinations. If you’re not, please find an equivalent adventure that you’re comfortable with. ’Tis the season to be rowdy.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I propose that you drink a toast to Virgo actress Sophia Loren, to help you take maximum advantage of this phase of your astrological cycle, when your instinct for creating abundance and longevity is at a peak. Are you game? Say this: "May the spirit of Sophia Loren come to me in my dreams and reveal her secret of enduring success." I suggest you also visualize Loren’s fortieth birthday, when her husband gave her a custom-made, 14-karat-gold toilet seat. Then drink a toast to yourself, saying: "As compensation for all the times that fate has kicked my ass over the years, may I now receive a reward that’s as luxurious as Sophia Loren’s magic toilet seat."

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): This is a perfect time to translate your recent inner changes into a visible form. If you’re an artist, start work on a masterpiece that reflects your fresh insights. If you’re a businessperson, dream up novel approaches to making money from doing what you love. If you’re a politician, get yourself a new spin doctor. If you’re between gigs, experiment with your physical appearance. However you do it, Libra, show the world vivid evidence of how you’ve transformed.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Aeschylus, the seminal playwright of ancient Greece, wrote over ninety plays, but most did not survive the ravages of time. The evidence for his renown has consisted of just seven works. Recently, however, archaeologists have discovered an eighth, "Achilles." It was on a papyrus scroll stuffed inside an Egyptian mummy. This summer, a theater company in Cyprus will stage the play for the first time in over 2,000 years. I urge you Scorpios to be alert for ways this story can serve as a metaphor for your personal quest in the near future. What old but dynamic parts of your life have been all but lost? How can you regain access to them and make them work for you now?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Color psychologists say that red stimulates emotional intensity. It can raise the temperature of love and awaken feelings that have been subconscious or dormant. Given the rich potentials for deepening intimacy that are now available, you may therefore want to add more red to your apparel and environment. But be aware that red can cloud objectivity and make negotiations more jarring. Since you and your partners will probably want to agree on some common goals, you should include calming blue in the mix. Not too much, though: An excess of blue can cause a chill.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): My analysis of the cosmic omens suggests that you have one major assignment this week, Capricorn: to kill germs. I’m referring to both the physical and psychic versions of those tiny invaders. There’ll be more of them than usual trying to mess with you. As a public service, I’ll remind you of the factors that are most effective in zapping pests of all kinds: hot soapy water, fresh air, sunshine, orgasms and tears.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s the perfect moment to ask you a question I’ve been thinking about posing for a long time, so here goes. I’d like to know if you’re willing to push hard to get better, improve your attitude, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotions, hone your dreams, face your shadow, cure your ignorance and soften your heart — even as you pledge to always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all your so-called imperfections, never demeaning the present moment by comparing it to an idealized past or future. Well? Are you?

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): "More good has been launched by more people from kitchen tables than any other platform in the land," says populist writer Jim Hightower, quoted in *Orion* magazine. I hope you take his words to heart, Pisces. Even if your power spot is normally in an office or store or art studio, this week it will be at your kitchen table. Even if you normally like to brainstorm with your allies at restaurants or bars, this week you should gather them at your kitchen table. The dreams and schemes you hatch there in the coming days could change the course of history. Here’s this week’s homework: Psychologists hypothesize that the best way to eliminate a bad habit is to replace it with a good one. Tell how you’re going to do just that.