Q: Am I out of bounds if I try to have a dialogue with my nephew about masturbation? Hes 17 years old and Im 52. Im also a balanced bisexual male in a good marriage. I masturbate a lot, in private, and enjoy pornography sometimes. I have fun, easy orgasms.
What is appropriate? My nephew trusts me and brings up the topic constantly. He seems quite sophisticated he says he uses condoms for jacking off (I use lotion); he is also upset because my sisters latest boyfriend confiscated a blow-up masturbation doll from his personal effects. Some of my previous frank discussions with other nephews have been criticized, especially when a 15-year-old nephew got into my video library. (It happened 15 years ago; today the boy is straight, married, happy, and we have a good relationship.) Any advice would be welcome. Uninformed Nephew Craves Lasting Education
A: Are your motives pure, UNCLE? Your previous frank discussions with other nephews got you into trouble, which either means youre a creepy old fart who gets off on talking about sex with his nephews and your relatives know it or that you come across that way when you talk to your nephews about sex. You need to look inside your heart, UNCLE, and ask yourself if you want to dialogue with your nephew about masturbation because he needs a trustworthy, responsible adult to confide in or if you want to dialogue with him because it makes your dick hard.
If its the former, heres how you can avoid coming across like a creepy old bisexual with designs on his nephew: Let him initiative these conversations and refrain from following up answers to his questions with leading questions of your own. Let him begin these conversations, keep your answers simple, absolutely no over-sharing (he doesnt need to know about your lube or porn preferences), and let him end the conversations. In short, do nothing that might give your nephew the impression that you beat off about your little chats. If you find that you simply cant be cool, calm, informative, reserved, restrained and respectful, then let your nephew go elsewhere for info.
Q: Every year my family goes on a weeklong vacation to the beach. By family I mean my mom, my brother, my sister-in-law and their kids (10–13). When I was married, I would come with my wife and our two kids. Two years ago, I came out of the closet and got a divorce.
This year I decided to invite my boyfriend. We have dated on and off since my divorce. But before inviting him, I forgot to mention it to my family. My brother is ultra-conservative and not totally sane about my gayness; I get along well with my sister-in-law, so I approached her with my idea of bringing my significant other to the beach. Her reply was: David, this has always been a family vacation. If your relationship with your boyfriend is stable enough that you consider him family, I can sit my kids down and explain to them why Uncle Dave is bringing his friend and why they are going to be together at the end of the day. But if you dont think your relationship with your boyfriend is that stable, then I dont think its fair to put our kids through this.
I agree with her to some degree; after all, we all pay for the house and we should all feel comfortable in it. My boyfriend, however, thinks shes full of crap, hiding her prejudice behind her kids. What do you think? The Gay Uncle
A: I think straight people say the darnedest things sometimes and I think your boyfriend is right, although I wouldnt call your sister-in-law prejudiced. Shes family, so lets give her the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Instead of prejudiced, lets just say shes still working her way to full acceptance. Even so, she is trying to cover for her own lingering discomfort with that I dont think its fair to put our kids through this crap. Heres what she should have said instead: Were still getting used to you being gay, and we know were going to have a conversation about it with our kids sooner or later. If youre serious about this guy, well have it now. But if youre not serious about this guy, please spare me from having a conversation Im not ready to have with my kids.
That would have been more honest still fucked up, for sure, still full of crap, yes indeed, but honest. At 10 and 13, your nephews know about gay people and theyre old enough to know theyre related to one. You shouldnt have to be closeted around them, serious boyfriend or no serious boyfriend.
And since when do people have to be family before they can come along on a family vacation? If you were dating a woman for two years after your divorce there would be no question about her being made welcome at a family vacation hell, your family would be anxious to meet her.
So what do you do? Well, you insist. You tell your family that you realize your coming out came as a bit of a shock. But its been two years and thats plenty of time to absorb the shock. From this point forward youre going to insist on equal treatment. Youve been dating this guy for two years its time he met your family. If your boyfriend isnt welcome, then your brother and sister-in-law will have to explain to their kids why Uncle Dave isnt coming.
Q: Here it goes: When I was little my uncle raped me. And Im not talking soft touches in no-no spots. He did some pretty nasty stuff. Anyway, Ive gotten past that and Im now with the most loving man I could ever imagine being with. The problem: He likes butt sex. Considering my past, butt sex kinda ... freaks me out. He wants it so bad, and part of me wants it too, but when we try it hurts a lot and I get scared. I freak out and he stops, but I know we both want it. Is there any advice you could give me on this? I want be able to give us both what we want. Running From Her Past
A: First, you have all my sympathy. I hope your uncle dies/died a horrible, lingering death. Now on to the problem at hand. ...
The first thing you need to do is expand your definition of butt sex, RFHP. Actual penis-pounding-away-at-butt sex, aka butt-fucking, is varsity level, and youre clearly not ready for that squad. But there are plenty of junior-varsity options for your butt and for his butt too that can help you work your way up. Im talking gentle, external stroking with lubed-up fingers, lots of licking, vibrators placed on your butthole (thats on, or across, not in). If you incorporate these gentler anal pleasures into your regular routine, RFHP, pretty soon youll be having mind-blowing orgasms while your boyfriend rims you or holds a vibrator against your ass as he fucks you senseless. In time youll begin to associate your butt with pleasure, and Uncle Fuckers grip on your ass will loosen. Only then should you go out for the varsity team.Send letters to [email protected]