Detroit News: 'I don't know who made the chili'

By Mike McGonigal on Fri, Jan 15, 2016 at 11:54 am

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Detroit News: 'I don't know who made the chili'

Today, using that stock image of the police tape that they so love to use — and let's be honest have far too much reason to use in and around Detroit — The Detroit News posted a story about one man biting and stabbing another ... over the stirring of some chili.

"'He said that the suspect had bit and stabbed him,' [officer] Moreno said. 'The suspect was unhappy about him stirring the chili. I don’t know who made the chili.'"

The headline they went with? "Man bites, stabs another over stirring of chili." Not bad! But they had in their hands the makings of a classic NY Post style hedder.

What would you have arrived at? How about, "Stirring the pot — with a taste of attempted murder!"? OK, that's not so good but it's my first try.

Let's help them by suggesting alternate headlines; they're sure to revisit this story more than once — how can you not? Chili alway tastes better the next day, after all.

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Mike McGonigal

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Metro Times music editor Mike McGonigal has written about music since 1984, when he started the fanzine Chemical Imbalance at age sixteen with money saved from mowing lawns in Florida. He's since written for Spin, Pitchfork, the Village VOICE and Artforum. He's been a museum guard, a financial reporter, a bicycle...

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