Ain’t nothin’ but a third party

Aug 30, 2000 at 12:00 am
I'm sure at one time each and every one of us has looked at Booger T. Snapchippy running for president on the "Stop The Alien Voices In My Head" ticket, and wondered what the hell his tiny little echo-ridden brain thought was going to happen. These thoughts are not reserved solely for the sandlot candidates, but for the minor league ones as well, and yes I'm talking Ralph Nader and Pat Buchanan. Why do third-party candidates actually spend the time and money and energy to run? Because you never know. You know? You never know.

• What if, on Nov. 6, a huge earthquake demolished all of North America except for a small square roughly corresponding to where Northern Idaho now exists? Buchanan could have a fighting chance.

• Consider this: an Ebola Virus laden buffet at the Presidential debates at St. Louis University attended by both halves of the Republican and Democratic tickets. Could mean a fight to the finish between Nader and Buchanan.

• Two words: giant meteor.

• Pictures. Videotapes. Film at 11 featuring a menage a cinq with four men and a goat. And you know who I'm talking about.

• Mideastern Biblical scholars unearth a scroll that states the world will narrowly avoid being annihilated by a fleet cart known as "the Corvair." Nader in a walk.

• Russian subs with Firestone Tires. Don't know who this helps, but that's my point. Just being in position is what counts. Will Durst thinks, hey, you never