A serial pool pooper is on the loose in Macomb Township

click to enlarge A serial pool pooper is on the loose in Macomb Township

Macomb Township, get your shit together.

Someone has been pooping in a neighborhood pool in the Buckingham Woods subdivision located near 23 Mile Road east of Romeo Plank Road. Due to the frequency of the incidents, the neighborhood association believes the poopings are no accident — though they don't yet know who the culprit is.

The association's board president released a statement online last weekend with a stern message — mystery pooper, Buckingham Woods will find you.

Also, the annual carnival is canceled, due to poo-related costs. Aw, crap!

Regarding the recent pool closures… Someone has been defecating in the pool. Due to the frequency over the past week, we believe this is intentional. At the present time, we are reviewing attendance logs and recorded video. Rest assured that we are following published guidelines to restore the pool to a safe and sanitary condition.

Unfortunately, these closures are costing the recreational association money and downtime for our members. Beginning on Friday, July 12, a 2nd pool attendant will be on hand to assist with the daily functions. The 2nd attendant will remain onsite through the summer. Due to the additional costs related to the 2nd attendant, we have opted to cancel the annual carnival.

In closing, we are consulting with the local authorities regarding our options.

Be strong and ever vigilant, Macomb Township. Don't let the poo-terrorists win.

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About The Author

Lee DeVito

Leyland “Lee” DeVito is the editor in chief of Detroit Metro Times since 2016. His writing has also been published in Hour Detroit, VICE, In These Times, and New City. He once asked porn star Stormy Daniels to spank him with an issue of Metro Times. She obliged...
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