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Monday, May 11, 2020

People are losing it over a Hamtramck funeral home's online estate sale, offering caskets, dolls, and vintage 'Playboy'

Posted By on Mon, May 11, 2020 at 4:43 PM

click to enlarge “$10 for a baby with no clothes seems steep. ” - EDMUND FRANK AND ASSOCIATES LLC
  • Edmund Frank and Associates LLC
  • “$10 for a baby with no clothes seems steep. ”

One man's trash is another man's treasure — especially if that trash happens to be from a funeral home and includes a crucifix, a box of naked baby dolls, an embroidered casket, the most lamps you've ever seen, and a big ol' stack of vintage porn.

An online estate sale listing for Krot Funeral Home in Hamtramck started making the social media rounds on Monday after interested parties scrolled through the entire massive listing and discovered some curious finds (as if a funeral home estate sale wasn't curious enough).



The sale, which is set to go live Saturday, May 16, and will run through Tuesday, May 19, starts off with some pretty traditional funeral home wares, some of which are priced pretty steep.

You've got a globe, mantel clocks, glass display cases, filing cabinets, sofas, and chairs. Then comes a parade of lamps. Dozens of lamps. There are the standard torchiere floor lamps and pairs of sofa-side table lamps, and then there are porcelain angels and cherub lamps, because, obviously you need someone to light the way to your final journey.

Among some of the hot-ticket items are electric organs, art prints, ornate kneelers, and a red velvet sofa, priced at $750. The selection of caskets, none of which have prices listed, are to be expected, but we can't help but pose a philosophical question: What is a casket without a funeral? Why were these left behind? And is the padded rose-embroidered one more or less comfortable than one of those mattresses promoted on every podcast ever? Asking for a friend.

Then shit starts to get weird. Exhibit A: a single pink nightgown. Just one. Alone. By itself. Not on a body — and it's $10. That leads us to a box of unclothed, totally naked baby dolls, straight out of your nightmares, each one priced at $10.

“$10 for a baby with no clothes seems steep,” one comment read.

“Gotta wait for the last day and I bet they'll do a bundle baby deal,” another replied.

Also up for grabs is a whole mess of urns. These don't have prices either, nor is it specified if any of them come with, um, you know, ashes. Might as well snag a $75 crucifix while you're at it because if there ever were a perfect time to expel demons and other evil spirits from, you know, your soul, it is absolutely during the quarantine.

The listing, however, has a happy ending.

For just $2.50 each, you can give a vintage issue of Playboy its final resting place and fap your way into the afterlife. (We have dibs on the issue with Anna Nicole Smith, FYI.)

“Nice try,” one commenter said. “I’m not bringing ghosts into my house.”

However, one reply offered some words of comfort: “You live in Hamtramck. You already have ghosts in your house.”

You can view the entire estate sale listing here.

A call to Krot Funeral Home was not immediately returned.

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