Wednesday, August 3, 2016

WWE star Rhyno clotheslines opponents; wins Republican Primary

Posted By on Wed, Aug 3, 2016 at 12:37 PM

In the recent three-man showdown for the 15th District State Republican Representative, WWE professional Terrance "Rhyno" Gerin took down opponents Richard 'Raccoon' Johnson and Paul 'Platypus' Sophiea* after a long and hard fought battle of door knockin' and 'bow throwin'. 

click to enlarge rhino_in_2014.jpg
Rhyno, standing 5'10' and weighing in at 295 lbs, came into the political ring as the underdog, yet now stands on top of the animal kingdom which is American politics. Realistically, Rhyno is the most qualified man for the job: a two-time world heavy weight champion, WCW United States champion, and ECW Television champion, and WWE hardcore champion. How many championships have his opponents won? Zero.

Now, he's looking to add Michigan State Representative champion to that list. As the winner of the Republican Primary, he will now face Abdullah Hammoud, the winner of the 15th District Democratic Primary, in November's general election match. 

Rhyno is climbing the ladder to the top of Michigan's Republican party, and we can't wait to see his finishing move (I hope it's one of these). His platform includes, among other things, renaming the rhino as the real King of the Jungle, making WWE the premier late night television entertainment show. With the campaign slogan, "I'll fight for you," I have complete faith Rhyno will use the ladder to crush his opponents and snag the belt (there is a belt, right?). 

*Note: this are fictitious yet awesome nicknames. 

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