The music nobody wants to hear during sex

Apr 1, 2018 at 1:11 pm
It started out innocently enough, with just a Facebook status update from one of our staffers asking, "What songs do you never want to hear during sex?"

Within hours, it was one of those posts with dozens of replies, charting all sorts of music that you'd want out of earshot while doing the deed. Sometimes, it's just bad music. Sometimes it's just sad or sappy music. Sometimes, it's too silly for even the most playful lovemaking. But sometimes, it's a good song that just happens to call the wrong things to mind for boot-knocking, whether it's existential angst, filial relations, renegade trucking, or just a bunch of dudes banging metal on an anvil.

So settle back, and enjoy the unscientific results of our poll on worst music for boinking:

Herb Alpert - "Tijuana Taxi"

The Angels - "My Boyfriend's Back"

Barnes & Barnes - "Fish Heads"

The Beach Boys - "Kokomo"

Chicago - "If You Leave Me Now"

Aaron Copland - "Rodeo"

Enya - "Book of Days"

Fountains of Wayne - "Stacy's Mom"

Al Hirt - "Java"

Rupert Holmes - "Escape (The Pina-Colada Song)"

Billy Joel - "Uptown Girl"

Kansas - "Dust in the Wind"

Gordon Lightfoot - "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Barry Manilow - "Mandy"

C.W. McCall - "Convoy"

Michael Martin Murphey - "Wildfire"

Queen - "Another One Bites the Dust"

Gerry Rafferty - "Baker Street"

Sgt. Barry Sadler - "The Ballad of the Green Beret"

Barbra Streisand - "Papa Can You Hear Me?"

Tiny Tim - "Tiptoe Through the Tulips"

The Toadies - "Possum Kingdom"

Giuseppe Verdi - The Anvil Chorus

Wesley Willis - "The Chicken Cow"

"Weird Al" Yankovic - "My Bologna"