The 10 worst metal albums of 2015

60-year-old man-boobs and overstuffed turkeys

We regret to inform you that the regularly scheduled “the 10 best metal albums of the year” will be replaced with a special presentation for 2015: the 10 worst metal albums of the year.”

Besides solid releases from Faith No More, High on Fire, and a few others, this has been a mediocre year for metal, with serious letdowns from a few of the genre’s biggest players. Sure, there are probably thousands of worse releases than those on this list, but these stand out as some of the most overrated and disappointing major-scale metal albums of the year.

Now on with the butt hurt!

10. Iron Maiden

The Book of Souls

Not quite the biggest turd in the punch bowl, but this double album is a major snooze fest from one of the biggest bands on the planet. Sure, Maiden are still an unstoppable force live, but the band's studio albums have gotten increasingly self-indulgent and drawn out. Not everything needs to be a Lord of the Rings trilogy, guys. "Speed of Light" is a pretty solid jammer, but the dry production highlights Bruce Dickinson's hoarse voice, which sounds like it's trying to reach just a bit beyond its range.

And what's with that cover art? The inside layout is bursting with beautifully detailed Derek Riggs artwork, but the band opted for a clip art version with a plain black background as the lead image. If this album can keep your attention throughout the full 92-minute duration you are probably overdosing on Adderall and need to get to the emergency room.

9. Papa Roach


Is Papa Roach still a glam rock band or are they back to nu-metal or are they pornogrind now? More importantly, what do their haircuts look like this year?

For extra torture points, there is also a "commentary" version of this album available, which we imagine consists only of farting.

8. Lamb of God

VII: Sturm Und Drang

If this album were a flavor of ice cream, it would be sugar-free potato. Lamb of God are a tight band with an energetic frontman and incredibly solid players, but the music is stale, uninteresting, and void of any originality or imagination. Is generic-core a genre?

7. Butcher Babies

Take It Like a Man

Neither of these people can sing or even produce a decent scream, and the music sounds like the worst elements of early Marilyn Manson and Slipknot combined. This would be ranked the No. 1 worst album of the year if it were only possible to take it at all seriously.

6. Ghost


Don't people know that Mercyful Fate have like seven albums out already? Toss this record in the shitty river and listen to the real deal. Why listen to fake King Diamond on Xanax when you could just jam "Don't Break the Oath" on repeat? Meliora is a safe and weak album throughout, perfect fair-weather metal for children and hipsters.

5. Bullet for My Valentine



4. Bring Me the Horizon

That's the Spirit

Steamy horseshit.

3. Disturbed


A small bag of horseshit stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey stuffed into a giant bag of horseshit.

2. Danzig


Danzig is now 60 years old and still at it. Much respect. But the man titties on his latest album cover should be an indicator of what awaits inside.

Over five years in the making, this album sounds so bad that if someone other than Danzig had produced it, they would surely be fired. Rarely has such terrible production been heard on a release by a major artist. Danzig's vocals are overly loud, dry, and horse, Tommy Victor's guitars sound like they were run through the worst combo amp Crate has to offer, and the drums sound like they're being dropped down a flight of stairs.

This can all be chalked up to Glenn Danzig having George Lucas syndrome, where no one who works for him has the nerve to tell him that something he's doing sucks and isn't working.

1. Slayer


First of all, this album title... that's not a word. Second of all, this Slayer... that's not Slayer. With Jeff Hanneman and Dave Lombardo absent we're left with Guy Fieri's brother Kerry King (did not fact check this), and everyone's favorite Satan-praising Catholic, Tom Araya.

This record is thin and lifeless, a parody of what Slayer used to be, and sounds uninspired and unoriginal. This is Las Vegas Slayer — catch them nightly at Circus Circus where they'll be playing all the classics that were written by no one currently in the band. Maybe the whole point of Repentless was to see how many times Kerry "Burger" King could use the word "insane" on an album.

To report that one of the best metal bands of the past 30 years have made this stale of an album is a truly sad thing. Maybe next time they'll let Gary Holt write a few songs since new Exodus albums are still pretty not shitty. And of course there will be a next time, there will be another record, because $$$layer.

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