Kenny G, who personally murdered jazz music, also killed your family by giving them diabetes, thanks to his help in inventing the Frappucino

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Kenny G has made millions of people hate jazz music with his twaffling sludge, music exactly as exciting and sexy as the act of gently closing your eyes to intricately picture your own parents having sex.

Via Stereogum
(who got the dope straight from a fanzine called People) we learned yesterday that the curly-haired Seattle native, who is treated like a god by the denizens of that sleepy city, is also responsible for that frothy, Santorum-looking, calorie-laden mess that is the Frappucino. What kind of an absolute monster is this person? Perhaps his hair is only curly because it's bathed daily in the blood of virgins? I'd be less surprised to learn that than the Frappucino news, myself.

My favorite part of the piece is where People added this update, also picked up by Stereogum:

UPDATE: Starbucks has released a statement to People confirming that Kenny G did in fact help them create the frappuccino. “Kenny is a dear friend of Starbucks and an early investor in the company. He did provide feedback on the creation of Frappuccino. That’s true… We are very appreciative of everyone, including Kenny, who’ve been a part of the success of Frappuccino.”

About The Author

Mike McGonigal

Metro Times music editor Mike McGonigal has written about music since 1984, when he started the fanzine Chemical Imbalance at age sixteen with money saved from mowing lawns in Florida. He's since written for Spin, Pitchfork, the Village VOICE and Artforum. He's been a museum guard, a financial reporter, a bicycle...
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