Head Cheese

Although they reside in our fair city, the members of the Amino Acids claim to be extraterrestrials from a distant planet. Nevertheless, they’ve lived in Detroit long enough to comment on the scene here, in addition to other earthly topics. And the band’s Senator Thompson Aldous Speck recently did just that for Metro Times. Here are his monomanias, which, you’ll note, were too winning to cut, so they continue online.

5. Scenes?! Ack!: We don’t believe in scenes. We’ve been asked: “What’s the local music ‘scene’ like?” This brings to mind the five blind guys touching different parts of an elephant, trying to determine what each is. Everybody in this town is in a band, has a best friend in a band, or is dating someone in a band. Since everybody’s involved, it makes it nearly impossible to pinpoint any local “flavor.” There are more places to play here than anywhere. Everyone has a favorite venue. That’s the “scene,” and when others realize that, they’ll have the elephant by the balls.

4. Tim Pak: This guy’s recorded more local bands than you’ve had hot dinners. He recently sold his Ferndale recording studio and rumor is he’s gonna skip town soon. He’s been recording for nearly 20 years but it’s nearly impossible to get anyone to talk smack about him. We’ll miss you, Tim. Twice now, you’ve had a room full of extraterrestrials as just another day at work ...

3. Unidentified Drunken Injury: We saw this band at the 2500 last weekend. It was their second show ever. We haven’t played with them but we’re gonna. They’re so surprising, I almost stopped smiling for a minute. These guys are old but  they play fast. Really fast. So refreshing they made me wanna trade my Converse for some engineer boots immediately.

2. Kwame! My Man: Boy, that mayor’s in some hot water, ain’t he? But his greatest gift to our band is the look on people’s faces when we haul our truckloads of bulk trash to the drop zone once a month. Now that there’s been no bulk pickup for over a year, the dump is full of alien-built trash and the city is too broke to hire anyone to figure out what the heck it all is. If only they could see what’s still in our basement!

1. May the fist of JVH-1 smash Vick in the balls: Alien possession on this planet is not limited to human beings but to animals and plants, too. We’ve learned that two of the canines “disposed” of by Michael Vick contained alien parasite consciousnesses from our home planetary system of Jurtnet-6. Since these parasites had no other beings around to “eject” into except for complete a-hole-humans or other dogs set up for torture, they had no choice but to endure suffering and expire inside their host bodies. Thanks, Vick. You suck! May the scalding pipe of “Bob” singe your ’taint forever.

At the New Way, 23130 Woodward, Ferndale; 248-541-9870, on Saturday, Sept. 15; and at Waynopalooza, Wayne Theatre, 35164 Michigan Ave., Wayne, 734-728-7469, on Saturday, Sept. 22. The Amino Acids’ Humanity Will Fall Like Pins is out now on Amin Recordings.

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