Head cheese

Ok, this dude Tony Sakich mans the counter at Record Time in Roseville, one of the best and truest record stores in Michigan. So why should you give a shit? 'Cause this pasty 22-year-old college student is a veritable walking mouthpiece for all things great and crap about pop culture and music — dude can riff on obscure-o Norwegian death metal and the lowly merits of Z-Trip's latest while proclaiming at high volumes (and in metered rhythm) the sheer unsung beauty of the Shaggs. What's remarkable is he does this all in one breath. Just don't get him going on games. And like any record shop employee worth his salt, Sakich earns eyerolls from fellow employees and undying respect from loyal customers. We dig him for his outspokenness (and that he hates Joanna Newsom). Hence his list of the five worst albums ever:

5. Denny McLainDenny McLain At The Organ: The back sleeve of the album says "He has the erupting, violent temper of the Irish and it frequently flares." Who knew an Irish fit of rage would be released through the power of the Organ?

4. ChingyPowerballin': This is what it feels like to play the lottery ... you always lose.

3. Rascal FlattsMe and My Gang: Fake tans, corny lyrics and bad cover songs make it very apparent that these fellows buy cowboy hats that have already been "worn in" to look authentic.

2. Joanna NewsomY's: This doesn't sound good.

1. The Beach BoysSummer In Paradise: How is it the best part of this album is the guest vocal appearance by John Stamos? Another superstar collaboration almost occurred when Bart Simpson was scheduled to rap along with Mike Love on the overly creepy and sexist song "Summer Of Love."

Record Time in Roseville: 27360 Gratiot; 586-775-1550.

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