Head Cheese

Whirlwind Heat has returned with a new album, Types of Wood, and a slightly tweaked sound. Now, instead of temper tantrums, the boys from Grand Rapids prefer the sly art of suggestion, cut with fuzz and ADD drumming. We thought the Heat might never grow up, but maybe it's really happening. Here are their self-help-minded monomanias, straight from their tour with noise-pop savants Be Your Own Pet:

5. Assumption causes fuck-ups: Self-explanatory. Whenever we hear ourselves say "I assume ..." we know a fuck-up will follow.

4. Judgment call: When one of us has to make a decision that we're all going to take the fall for, it's called a judgment call. It should probably be called "target shooting."

3. "Your day today": Each of us has a day. It alternates. No specific order. If someone is "feeling it" one day, then it's his day. If none of us can decide where to eat, what to listen to, etc., then whoever's day it is, they pick. Hey, your day, guy! Where should I shit?

2. Freelance: That's what we do. We freelance. We do nothing specific. Just freelance. It's great. Someone asks us what line of work we are in, and we quote BTO: "It's the work that we avoid and we're all self-employed."

1. You (really) are what you eat: This is very true while on tour, but you should heed our advice too. Be like a gremlin, and don't eat after midnight. And especially don't eat whatever happens to be available. That's just a bad play, and disgusting. And you don't want to be disgusting.