Head cheese

Named for its proud Downriver hometown, South Gate manages to make the moniker their own. Part of a thriving local metal underground, the quartet aligns itself nationally with the "New Wave of American Metal." But South Gate also has its own, refreshingly no-bullshit pummel, a sound designed not to empathize with your inner-child but to punch that whiner to death. Here are their monomanias, fresh from an East Coast tour.

5. White Knuckles: Caused by our manager, Sticky, racing cabs in the tour van through downtown Manhattan — and winning!

4. Frank Rizzo ... Brooklyn's finest: Fifty wrong turns left us asking for directions on Brooklyn's side of the bridge, where we had some explaining to do. "Detroit, huh? What, you don't like Brooklyn?" No sir, we just need to get to CBGB's.

3. The Stalker: In Cleveland, our hotel warned us about a suspicious green Escort outside. But as the cops arrived to nab the prowler, it dawned on us. Green Escort? It was our pal Fuzz, innocently trying to locate his buds. Judging by the odor in that Escort, we hid him from the real fuzz just in time.

2. "Next time, super size it": Ness, our singer, learned the hard way about drinking in the van. Piss stops are rare, and a 16 oz. McDonald's cup isn't always sufficient.

1. "More like Whitey Lawless": To your credit, Mr. Lawless, the WASP show at Harpo's was killer. But Blackie, please, no more 1980s short shorts while venturing from your bus. Those gams are pasty!


Saturday, May 13, at the Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; 734-513-5030. With Mindrought, Writhing and more.

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