Goodbar gone bad

Mar 13, 2001 at 12:00 am

Best Place to Meet Mr./Ms. Wrong
Any bar

We’ve all heard the song “Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places,” and we’ve all done it on numerous occasions. Bars are great if you want to kick back and enjoy a few cold ones with your best pals; they’re also a great place to meet that person who will obliterate your fragile little heart, leaving you wallowing in despair on the grimy, beer-soaked floor of the very same place your love/lust was first born. OK, so take my authoritative advice: Don’t go looking for Prince Charming at the bar, because you’re just going to end up with a horny toad.

In addition to the fact that bars are the favored habitat of players, swingers, drama queens, sociopaths and codependents, you run the additional risk of tarnished judgment due to the effects of alcohol. Your normally shy, dignified self may not have the guts to approach that superfly hottie by the pool tables, but with the help of a little liquid courage, suddenly you are dashing, charming, debonair and bursting with sex appeal. Or at least you thought so at the time, until your friends point out the next morning that your slobbering, crude, and hokey pickup lines did not go over well — and then they taunt you with them ad nauseam for the subsequent year. Not to mention the undesirable effects of the infamous beer goggles (see Best Place to Find a One Night Stand: Rick’s for further detail).

So by all means, go out, dance, drink, be merry, be young, have fun. But when it comes to the eternal search for romance, stick with getting your best friend or your mom to fix you up. At least that way you can ask them to chip in for legal costs when you need to file a restraining order.