What does she want? 

Q: There is this young woman where I work who likes to run into me. Sometimes she will stand right behind me so that when I turn I will have no choice but to bump into her. Other times she will step out in front of me when I am going down the hall. On those occasions I can usually avoid a collision, but not always. If she did this once or twice I would consider it accidental, but sometimes she does it several times a day. I thought at first she was trying to get me to ask her out, but when I did that she declined, and then preceded to tell everyone else in the company that I was obsessed with her. At the same time her attempts to bump against me have increased. Also, I notice now that whenever I am in the room she plays with herself. One time she crossed her legs and began to move her hips in a sexual motion while she was asking me about a job that was due out. Is this woman insane or is she just trying to get to me? What can I do to keep her from causing me trouble in the future?

A: Anyone's guess. You might ask for a private meeting, tell her how you perceive her actions, ask her about them, and request her to stop. If you have a good friend at your company, confide in him or her and ask for a witness to what you say is going on. Then when you have several corroborated instances of her harassment, take it to the supervisors.

Q: My husband and I do not engage in the act of sex often. Our practice is approximately once a month or once every two months. We have a decent relationship, but I often worry about the rarity of our sexual encounters. I know where he's at most of the time so I don't believe he's cheating, but my greatest concern is that I have come home from work several times to find secreted semen inside a latex condom and him asleep on the couch. I'm always getting compliments from other men, but wish my husband would once again have the eagerness he once had for me. When we do engage in sex, it’s always a quickie. When I tell him I'd like to take the time to fondle and explore, he finds an excuse not to engage in sex. He claims we never have time and I always criticize how quick he is. Bottom line is that I am judgmental because he takes time to masturbate without including me, which is something he won't do in front of me. Some feedback, please.

A: There are a great number of negotiable items on the table here and I'm afraid you'll have to spread them out between you and deal with them one by one – what kind of sex, how often, what it needs to include for each of you. Renting or buying and watching together some educational sex videos (Sinclair, 800-955-0888) on improving things between partners may make a good starting point for discussion.

Q: I am a 22-year-old girl who has never had an orgasm. I have tried masturbation and gotten nothing. My boyfriend and I can have sex for half an hour and it feels great, but in between every position I need to add a lot of lube. I recently bought my first vibrator and I must say that I was a little disappointed. It feels alright but it doesn't give me an orgasm. I rubbed it on my clit for 15 minutes and it didn't give me much pleasure. It doesn't seem like it's that strong. Could it be that I got a piece of junk $13 vibrator, or are some women just not able to have orgasms? Could you tell me about a better vibrator and where to get it from?

A: Like sexual positions there are no "best ones" for vibrators either, just personal preference. Orgasms are a combination of getting just the right friction and situation – in your body and in your mind. Read or watch some erotica, do lots of preintercourse kissing and fondling. Don't attempt intercourse until you are very wet and very wanting. Try your vibrator inside your vaginal lips or outside on them or around your clitoris. If you have an electric toothbrush wrap the business end in a soft cloth and try that. If you want to see what other vibrators might be available send for a catalog from Good Vibrations (800-BUY-VIBE) or look online (www.blowfish.com, among others). Both the Hitachi wand with various attachments for penetration and the Wahl (which looks like a staple gun) are the most popular with many women. Isadora Alman is a licensed marriage counselor and a board-certified sexologist. You can reach her online at her Sexuality Forum (www.askisadora.com) or by writing to her care of this paper. Alas, she cannot answer questions

Speaking of Love & Sex, Ask Isadora

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