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West Texas hillbully 

While in D.C. to cover protests surrounding George W. Bush’s inauguration, one of the News Hits team caught a quartet of demonstrators standing outside the U.S. Supreme Court and singing a delightful ditty to the tune of the old Beverly Hillbillies theme. Later on, our trusty reporter was kicking himself in the ass for not writing down the words.

Much to our glee, the parody showed up in a recent e-mail. We tried tracking down the source, but despite all our investigative skills we still haven’t been able to contact the originator. We did find an earlier version of the song dedicated to boy George’s daddy. Called the “Kennebunkport Hillbilly,” it begins:

Let me tell you a story bout a man named Bush
A rich Yale grad whose life was always cush
But then one day as he ran for chief exec
He hung Willie Horton ‘round Mike Dukakis’ neck
Crime that is. Black Gold. Texas Tee ...

The updated version tickled us aplenty. We don’t have room to print all the verses, but here are a few:

Twenty years later George gets a little bored.
He trades in the booze, says that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, “Now the White House is the place I wanna be,”
So he called his daddy’s friends and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is. Falwell. Jesse Helms.
Come November 7, the election ran late.
Kinfolks said “Jeb, give the boy your state!”
“Don’t let those colored folks get into the polls.”
So they put up barricades so they couldn’t punch their holes.
Chads, that is. Duval County. Miami-Dade.
Before the votes were counted five Supremes stepped in.
Told all the voters “Hey, we want George to win.”
“Stop counting votes!” was their solemn invocation.
And that’s how George finally got his coronation.
Rigged, that is. Illegitimate. No moral authority.
Y’all come vote now. Ya hear?

News Hits is edited by Curt Guyette, the Metro Times news editor. Call 313-202-8004 or e-mail cguyette@metrotimes.com

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