The Dooby Awards 2021: Celebrating Michigan’s most dubious denizens

It’s that time of the year again, when we gaze back and reflect upon the horrors of another year. 2021 was notable for starting with a bang. Thankfully, it was all up from there, but the bar was so low it was in hell. Without further ado, this year’s winners, we mean losers, are… 

Illustration by John Kerschbaum

The deplorables: The armed hillbillies storming Lansing last year over Gov. Gretchen Whitmer’s COVID-19’s policies were apparently a dress rehearsal for what would happen on Jan. 6. Unsurprisingly, there was a strong Michigan presence at the U.S. Capitol, including Michael Joseph Foy, a Wixom man who used a hockey stick to attack police (while wearing an American flag as a cape). At least 13 people from Michigan have been charged for their connection to the insurrection, and Rashida Tlaib was right — we impeached the motherfucker (again), but Congressional Republicans were too cowardly to do anything about it.

Photo via FBI

Hydroxychloroquine: Remember this drug? Neither do we. Touted by ex-President Donald Trump as a miracle cure for COVID-19, Michigan’s Henry Ford Health System was heading one of the largest trials in the world to see if it worked, but the study was quietly abandoned when it couldn’t find enough willing test subjects. (You know what does work? The vaccines.)

Photo via Shutterstock

Rick Snyder: The former governor and eight others are charged for their roles in the Flint water crisis, though some say the penalty doesn’t go far enough, including former mayor Karen Weaver. For Snyder, he faces up to one year in jail and a $1,000 fine on two counts of willful neglect of duty, a light sentence considering an entire city was poisoned.

Photo via Genesee County Jail

Michigan’s hate groups: The Southern Poverty Law Center identifies 25 hate groups in Michigan. We hate this.

Photo by Johnny Silvercloud / Shutterstock.com

State Sen. Mike Shirkey: Like other Republicans, Michigan’s state Senate Leader says he believed Jan. 6 was a “hoax” staged by Trump’s opponents — despite the fact that Trump literally held a rally that day where he asked his supporters to attack the Capitol. Cognitive dissonance is a hell of a drug…

Photo via Michigan Senate Photo Wire

Sterling Heights PD: An unnamed Sterling Heights cop is placed on unpaid administrative leave after posting a meme on his Facebook page showing former Minneapolis Police Officer Derek Chauvin kneeling on the neck of George Floyd below the words, “when you gotta change a tire but dont wanna get your trousers dirty.” This is why people want to defund you.

Photo via Shutterstock

Salvador Salort-Pons: Attorneys from Washington, D.C.-based firm Crowell and Moring, hired by the Detroit Institute of Arts last year to conduct an investigation following allegations of a toxic workplace, say the museum’s director presided over an “autocratic” culture at the museum that stifled dissent with retaliation and resulted in women quitting at higher rates than their male counterparts. The DIA says it has hired a firm to help with diversity and inclusion and pledges to do better.

Photo via EQRoy / Shutterstock.com

Delta Air Lines: Hundreds of workers at DTW lose their jobs, despite Delta taking billions of dollars in federal pandemic aid.

Photo via Unite Here

The Caucus Club: Detroit’s long-standing upscale restaurant makes national headlines for posting a reminder that it has a business attire dress code, while also complaining of customers that smell like weed. To that we say: have you ever eaten a steak while high? Don’t knock it until you try it.

Courtesy photo

Van Gogh vultures: Dueling exhibitions dedicated to the iconic artist tour the country, causing confusion — forgive us for not being able to keep “Immersive Van Gogh Exhibit Detroit” and “Beyond Van Gogh: An Immersive Experience” straight — and profiting off of a tortured artist who allegedly never sold a painting in his life. Both exhibitions were panned by critics as being mere selfie museums.

Courtesy photo

Ted Nugent: The Motor City Madman admits he got COVID-19 after performing at a Florida grocery store that boasted having an anti-mask policy. We don’t have a punchline, as usual the Nuge writes it himself.

Photo via Shutterstock

Gov. Gretchen Whitmer: We love Big Gretch, but a trip to Florida to visit her father — after telling Michiganders specifically not to go on spring break there to avoid spreading COVID-19 — becomes a weeks-long PR disaster as Whitmer is less than forthcoming in the transparency department. Her team claims the trip was kept a secret for safety reasons, considering that whole FBI-thwarted plot to kidnap her, but like… we’re 20 years into being forced to take off our shoes at airports due to terrorist threats.

Courtesy photo

Detroit City Council: Councilman Gabe Leland resigns after pleading guilty to accepting a campaign contribution in cash. In the months that follow, Councilman Andre Spivey resigns after pleading guilty to conspiracy to commit bribery, while Councilmembers Scott Benson and Janeé Ayers are investigated by the FBI as part of “Operation Northern Hook,” a probe into corrupt connections to the towing industry. The probe has ensnared at least four current or former Detroit cops, while six others were sentenced as part of a separate towing scandal. That’s… a lot of towing scandals for a shrinking city that should have no shortage of places to park, we think!

Courtesy photo

Meshawn Maddock: Michigan Republican Party co-chair says Michigan should follow England’s lead and do a “Brexit,” or a “MIexit” if you will. We think it’s Maddock who should leave.

Photo by Brice Tucker

Enbridge: The Canadian oil company defies Michigan’s order to shut down its aging Great Lakes oil and gas pipeline, which Whitmer’s office calls a “ticking time bomb.” The case now heads to the courts — all while Enbridge continues to pump petrochemicals though our beautiful water.

Photo via National Wildlife Federation

Main Art Theatre’s landlord: Royal Oak’s long-standing indie theatre abruptly shuts down, with the message “Landlord kicked us out” on its marquee. Paul Glantz, who owns the next-door Emagine cinema complex, shows no interest in acquiring the 80-year-old theater, ending an era.

Photo by Lee DeVito

James Greggs: An Ann Arbor man is charged for violently assaulting a transgender woman — during pride month, no less.

Photo via Shutterstock

Mayor Mike Duggan: For months, the Mayor battles allegations that he was having an extramarital affair with Dr. Sonia Hassan, the leader of a prenatal health nonprofit that Duggan was accused of granting preferential treatment. In June, the two get engaged to be married… and nobody seems to care. Love wins, we guess. May they live happily ever after.

Photo via Make Your Date