Sisterhood showdown

Here's a quick checklist comparing the Lilith Fair with your average women's festival.

Attire: Shirts Skins
Locale: Professional amphitheatre with broken big-screen monitors Hot, dusty, mosquito infested forest lands
Volume: About as loud as you would play the radio in the car with your grandma in the passenger seat Cranked
Men: All over the place, running things None--except for a few clever ones in drag
Security: SWAT-trained sadists who aren't about to let you stand there and eat a hot dog without moving your butt back to your assigned seat Bar-trained butches who are just as officious as anyone at Pine Knob, but are such insane fans themselves that they understand that you really need to be 10 inches closer to Amy Ray
Sexiest chicks: Peachy's Puff's cigarette girls selling $3 M&M's Leather femmes with labia piercings
Food: Garlic fries Vegan hash brownies
Cost: $34 to sit in Siberia Volunteer to clean the portable toilets all week and you're in for free music and camping
Time: Six hours At least 72 hours
Public service booths: Birth control and AIDS prevention tables that any 14-year-old could learn something from Dildo table with treehouse dressing room for trying on strap-ons
Not allowed: Spontaneity Heterosexual braggadocio
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