Here's a quick checklist comparing the Lilith Fair with your average women's festival.
|Locale:||Professional amphitheatre with broken big-screen monitors||Hot, dusty, mosquito infested forest lands|
|Volume:||About as loud as you would play the radio in the car with your grandma in the passenger seat||Cranked|
|Men:||All over the place, running things||None--except for a few clever ones in drag|
|Security:||SWAT-trained sadists who aren't about to let you stand there and eat a hot dog without moving your butt back to your assigned seat||Bar-trained butches who are just as officious as anyone at Pine Knob, but are such insane fans themselves that they understand that you really need to be 10 inches closer to Amy Ray|
|Sexiest chicks:||Peachy's Puff's cigarette girls selling $3 M&M's||Leather femmes with labia piercings|
|Food:||Garlic fries||Vegan hash brownies|
|Cost:||$34 to sit in Siberia||Volunteer to clean the portable toilets all week and you're in for free music and camping|
|Time:||Six hours||At least 72 hours|
|Public service booths:||Birth control and AIDS prevention tables that any 14-year-old could learn something from||Dildo table with treehouse dressing room for trying on strap-ons|
|Not allowed:||Spontaneity||Heterosexual braggadocio|
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