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Shingle shuffle 

Best Spot for Outdoor Sex (Besides Belle Isle)
On a rooftop

Apparently the back seat of Dad’s Expedition isn’t as enticing as it used to be. Even the kitchen table doesn’t rock Detroit’s libido anymore. This year, the rough comfort of shingles is in season. That’s right: Rooftops are the locations of choice for steamy, unadulterated lovin’.

Ironically, the freezer burn of Michigan’s winter doesn’t provide the most temperate weather for sex in high places. So, I wonder, are snow pants and a ski jacket an ideal combination for lovers on the brink of passion?

Consider summer instead. The sensation of the warm sun beating down on your naked body probably sounds more thrilling than battling frostbite on your third leg. During the smoldering heat of the season, anything goes — on any kind of roof, for that matter.

The mobile variety offers the easiest and most convenient access (just make sure you wash your car before the special night). And using your home helps avoid rigorous location scouting. Yet, unless you’re a quiet bunch, the neighbors — especially those who have little ones — may not appreciate the constant orgasmic zingers originating from the top of your house.

While on the subject of public nudity, why not attempt something more daring — a location that will surely enhance your sex life simply by factoring in the sheer danger of getting caught. I’m referring to the unparalleled thrill of skyscraper copulation. The Renaissance Center offers one of the highest vantage points (but the wind chill index is a bitch, so cover up with a blanket). Imagine the moment when Detroit police officers drag your naked bodies into custody, handcuffed and still burning with unrequited passion, while Chopper 4 hovers above for a heavenly shot — indeed, a truly unforgettable sexual exploit.

Well, on second thought, maybe you should stick with the back seat.

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October 28, 2020

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Best Things to Do In Detroit