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Sharp stickers 

Maybe you don’t need $125 sneakers because you figure the most exercise you get involves mowing the lawn (yes, that horrible, evil, lawn-mowing time of year is fast approaching). And, even when you do mow the lawn, you just wear junky old shoes, anyway. But, lo and behold, those days of low-fashion yard maintenance are over. At www.whateverworks.com, you can stake a claim on a pair of Lawn Aerator Sandals for only $9.95.

The epitome of practical footwear, these are essentially two hunks of plastic with 26 (Count ’em, 26) 1-and-a-half-inch steel spikes sticking out of the bottom of the sole. They are to be slipped over other shoes before the lawn mowing begins so, while you mow, you simultaneously “allow air, water and nutrients to reach roots for a healthier, beautiful lawn.”

And, if you run out of those brown paper grass-clipping bags and need to run to Home Depot, these shoes will scare the employees into clearing the aisles, answering your questions and ringing you up very quickly. It doesn’t pay to mess with people wearing steel-spiked sandals.

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October 14, 2020

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