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Best Pick-Up Line
"Hi"

So you’re minding your own business at the supermarket/at the restaurant/while waiting to meet with your parole officer. Suddenly, you’re swept away by a breathtaking vision of looks and charm. It’s your dream mate, standing right there, just waiting for you to come up and carry him or her away into blissful love and a life happily ever after. What do you say?

Hi.

It’s a no-bullshit, honest approach, the best possible tactic. If the person is at all interested, they’ll respond — and if not, they will probably walk away and you can move on to your next innocent victim.

Obviously, you can’t simply end the conversation with “hi” and then slink off in an embarrassed silence, having used up all your best material. To keep the flow of your advances, follow up with a no-bullshit, honest question or compliment. Don’t tell her you like her dress when your eyes are anchored on her cleavage. Don’t say “Why, oh, yes, I love Sartre too!” when you haven’t the foggiest clue who or what Sartre is. And please, oh, please, do not bring out those old tired lines like “You father must be a thief, because he stole the stars …” or “That’s a great outfit. It would look even better crumpled on my floor tomorrow morning.” At least be original. And don’t be crass: Although “Hey, baby, are you wearing Windex, because I can see myself in your pants” might conceivably win points for creativity, you’re more likely to end up with a scathing reply, or wearing someone’s vodka tonic as your hopeful intentions are thrown — literally — back in your face.

Check out Sarah Klein's discussion of the Best Pick-Up Line to Avoid.

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