Best New Fashion Trend to Kill
Body piercing

Last year, a woman in England died due to complications from infections in her body piercings — approximately 118 of them. Now, obviously this lass took things a bit far, but apparently Metro Times readers would like to see less of body piercings in general.

As a fairly heavily pierced person, I am slightly offended but hardly surprised. Ever since I first paid someone to shove a needle through my tongue six years ago, I have dealt with looks of disgust and confusion, and outright insults. Although body piercing has become widespread and rather common now, people far and wide are still overwhelmingly grossed out by the sight of metal glinting from unusual places on your person.

Let’s look at the downside of piercing: first and foremost, there’s the pain. Yes, it hurts. Sometimes not so much, sometimes like the furies of hell. You’ll also have to deal everyday with countless people, inquiring at every given opportunity (sometimes at highly inappropriate moments) if your piercing hurt. Apparently, being pierced means inviting strangers to say extremely stupid and/or mean things to you. “You’ve got so many holes in your ears you could strain spaghetti with them!” Or “Hey, you have a pierced tongue? I hear that’s great for ….” I’ll spare you the rest.

And there’s the danger of snags. It’s every pierced person’s nightmare. There’s no better way to start your day on a sour note than by ripping your navel barbell on your jeans, or snagging your nipple ring on your scrubby puff in the shower.

And, of course, in an intimate moment, there is the risk of frightening your new potential partner out of bed the first time you undress together and your reveal your jewelry-bedecked naughty bits.

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April 7, 2021

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