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Jeffrey Morgan’s Media Blackout 

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Cheap Trick — Rockford (Big 3) :: This is Jim Rockford. I can't take your call because I'm busy investigating why a once-great musical combo is using my name on their latest lousy album. At the tone leave your name and message, I'll get back to you.

FIZZLING PLATTER OF THE WEEK:

Cheap Trick — Rockford (Big 3) :: Hey, Jimbo, it's Angel. Look, I know how you feel because I can't even begin to tell you how sick and tired I am of these guys constantly aping the Beatles and ELO. Heaven knows they managed to pull it off to perfection three decades ago on Heaven Tonight, but if they don't know how to make a classic Cheap Trick album anymore — you know, one that actually sounds like Cheap Trick — then maybe they should just pack it in. I could produce a better Cheap Trick record than this dreary dreck by putting "Come On Come On Come On" as the first track and then making them write another 35 minutes of equally blistering rock 'n' roll that doesn't sound like a bunch of lame rejects by George Harrison ("Perfect Stranger"), Queen ("This Time You Got It") and Aerosmith ("One More Day"). Sure they're playing better than ever, but the singing is too affected and the songwriting is too awful. Zander needs to sound more like himself and the band needs to write some classic Cheap Trick rock 'n' roll songs that are fun, not a bunch of de-balled Beatle ballads. There are many here among us who feel this album's a joke. So to those who made this treacly tripe, I say there is no hope. NO HOPE. Bye-bye! So long! Farewell! Small dick, indeed.

Be seeing you!

Jeffrey Morgan is a freelance writer. Send comments to letters@metrotimes.com

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