Free Will Astrology 

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Two years ago, scientists discovered a secret underground river running more than 800 feet below a Mauritanian town in the Sahara Desert. With a flow rate of 8,450 gallons per hour — enough to supply the needs of 50,000 people — it is the biggest unnamed river in the world. I predict that you’ll soon make an analogous find in your own domain, Aries. What is the valuable resource that has always been near you, but hidden? Any day now, you’ll know.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I took a long, meandering walk today. After an hour, I found myself in an unfamiliar neighborhood on a wide paved road. In the middle of a long straight stretch there were two street signs next to each other. The one on the right — the direction from which I had come — said "Split Drive." The one on the left — where I was headed — said "Union Avenue." There was no intersection here and no bend in the road to mark the change — no apparent distinction at all between Split and Union. Now study all the details I just reported, Taurus. They’re symbols for your life in the coming week.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Golfer Phil Mickelson has had an odd career. During his first 12 years as a pro, the 34-year-old Gemini won 22 tournaments and earned more than $25 million. But because he had never finished first in any of the four major tournaments, sports writers branded him as a loser. When he finally captured the top spot at the Masters last April, they acted as if he had exorcised some terrible ancient curse. I suspect that many of you Geminis will soon be subject to expectations and pressures as absurd as those once directed at Mickelson. Please resist the urge to buy into them.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): To pump up their volume above the prevailing human din, some nightingales in big cities have learned to unleash 95-decibel songs, matching the loudness of a chainsaw. I’d love to see you make a similar push, Cancerian, because let’s face it: If your output remains at its current level, you’ll continue to be half-invisible, never making the impact you should. So raise your intensity, please. Whatever you’ve been doing to express your uniqueness, do it louder.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): "Dear Dr Brezsny: I need someone to rescue me! My therapist fell asleep during our last session! Even my mother won’t return my calls! And the man I love just told me he’s not emotionally attached to me and is planning to marry a woman he’s known for six weeks! I’m smoking too much and drinking every night and crying myself to sleep. I’m afraid I’ll end up as a middle-aged cat lady wearing a housecoat and sponge rollers in my hair, drinking gin straight out of the bottle! I need some bright, wise soul to restore me to health and wholeness and hope! —Lamed Lioness." Dear Lioness: According to my reading of the astrological omens, there’s a special person who’ll soon be in a perfect position to rescue you. That person is you yourself! The same thing’s true about a majority of your fellow Leos: They’re on the verge of becoming their own saviors.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): I think what you’re about to experience is summed up well by the bumper sticker I saw today: *If a pig flies, don’t criticize it for not staying up long.* In other words, Virgo, the most righteous response to the wonders you’ve been experiencing is delighted gratitude — even if the wonders don’t quite live up to their initial promise or your early expectations. Ironically, this approach is the only one that will make it possible for the pig to fly again in the future.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your life has brought you many maddeningly inconclusive adventures. On occasion, you’ve probably been tempted to invest what was left of your battered faith in the doctrine proclaimed by Gertrude Stein: "There ain’t no answer. There ain’t going to be any answer. There never has been an answer. That’s the answer." But now the time has come for you to suspend your belief in Stein’s theory and others like it. During the next five months, I predict that you will be given more precise, definitive answers than you’ve ever had before.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Each day many of your cells expire and are replaced by others. As long as you live, this relentless process of death and rebirth never abates. Periodically, then, you have a completely new set of flesh and bones that retains none of the same atoms you were composed of earlier. Think back, for example, to the physical body you inhabited in July of 1999. There is nothing left of that old thing! In a sense, you have reincarnated without having to endure the inconvenience of dying. Do you realize how free this makes you? In the coming week, Scorpio, take full advantage of this gift.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The Bible’s Book of Revelation is one of the world’s most notorious advertisements for doom and gloom. Millions of people actually think the wacky yet terrible visions laid down in that ancient text describe future events. Few of the believers live in Beijing, China, fortunately. When a swarm of locusts like those prophesied in Revelation arrived in the area in 2002, local residents greeted the creatures warmly. They scooped them up in large bags, deep-fried them, and turned them into the main dish of an enormous feast. I urge you to make a similar reversal of a fearful scenario that someone’s trying to foist on you, Sagittarius.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Contrary to the orthodox notion that sperm headed towards an egg are in a deadly competition with each other, researchers have discovered they collaborate, often joining together to create a "love train" so as to reach the target faster. Using this as your inspiration, Capricorn, see if there’s an area of your own life that you’ve misjudged as being a hotbed of cutthroat rivalry; it’s a perfect time to awaken and cultivate the cooperative potentials of such a situation.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): *Tjiliwirri* is a special language taught to adolescent boys undergoing initiation rites among the Warlpiri tribe of the Australian Aborigines. A speaker uses it to express the opposite of what he pretends to mean. In order to convey the meaning, "You are tall and wise," for instance, a boy might say the Warlpiri equivalent of "You are short and short-sighted." Regard this vignette as instructive about your immediate future, Aquarius. In the coming weeks, I believe you will undergo a kind of initiation that dares you to rise to a new level of maturity. In the course of this rite of passage, you may have to navigate your way through situations that are the opposite of what they seem.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Two years ago, seven-year-old Steven Olson was awarded patent number 6,368,227 for a new method of swinging on a swing. His application said that kids can get bored just moving back and forth on the swing or twisting the swing’s chains to make it spin, so he invented the technique of swinging side to side. Will he get rich from selling the rights to use his patent? Probably not. But I think you should pull off your own version of Olson’s coup in the coming weeks — but see if you can take it one step further. Dream up an innovation that makes a fun experience even more fun, and meditate on how you might then exploit it to your practical advantage.


Here’s this week’s homework: Who you are you planning to vote for in November’s presidential election? Without expressing any hatred or hostility, tell me your reasons why. Visit

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Detroit Metro Times. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Detroit Metro Times, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at [email protected].

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Detroit Metro Times Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.

Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.

Join the Metro Times Press Club for as little as $5 a month.

Read the Digital Print Issue

January 19, 2022

View more issues


Never miss a beat

Sign Up Now

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

Best Things to Do In Detroit

© 2022 Detroit Metro Times - Contact Us

Website powered by Foundation