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Flesh appeal 

Best Bar to Find a One-Night Stand (Washtenaw County)
Rick's American Cafe

Ah, Rick’s American Cafe. The bastion of booty music and tight, black, bar pants, a haven for scholarly young college students — the future leaders of our country — to let loose and escape into a wild night of unabashed beer swilling, bumping, grinding, and gratuitous public displays of snogging. Yes, if waking up disoriented and nauseated with a screaming headache and a nasty case of the oh-no’s is your idea of a good time, then slap on some Polo Sport or wiggle into your snakeskin tank top and head on down to Rick’s.

A favorite among U-M students, Rick’s has an expansive bar with dirt-cheap bargain drinks to get you well on your way to leaving those pesky inhibitions behind and succumbing to your inner bacchanalian sex slave. Once the beer goggles are firmly in place, you can initiate your hunt for the disposable love toy of the evening, utilizing such tried and true ice-breakers as “So, what’s your major?” or “Aren’t you in Sig Ep?” Every Friday and Saturday night is spring break at Rick’s.

And remember, as you wake up the next morning and gently try to extract yourself from the embrace of the slumbering body beside you, as you attempt to locate your underwear (it’s across the room, hanging on the lampshade) and don last night’s crumpled clothing, as you quietly slip out so as not to wake the object of last night’s intimate acrobatics before it asks for your phone number, as you stumble bleary-eyed out into to the unbearably bright sunlight, reeking of smoke and Jaeger and sweaty, animalistic, meaningless sex, just remember — you’re only young once.

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October 21, 2020

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