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Drowning with pleasure? 

Q: I'm an Arab youth of 25. My girlfriend is an American woman of European descent. She's a divorcee of 40 and has two teenaged children. We have had a very good relationship that started several months ago. However, there are problems that really bother me very much and may end our relationship. It happens that I have a big penis. When fully erect, it’s 9 inches long, with a circumference of more than 6 inches. I have a great sexual capacity too, for I can perform up to five orgasms in one coitus. This was something that attracted my girlfriend. Here’s the problem: As a result of copulation, my girlfriend ejaculates or squirts in very strange way. Huge amounts of fluid come out of her. In one coitus, she may squirt up to six times, drowning me and the bed. At first, I was pleased by her moans, groans and screaming, but this unusual squirting is bothering me very much, causes me to be depressed and a bit disgusted. Another problem comes with multiple orgasms. To achieve my first orgasm doesn't need much effort from me. However, to achieve multiple orgasms, I need to deeply penetrate her vagina. This she does with reluctance, and she began refusing to grant me full access to her cervix because this causes her much pain. When I insisted, she allowed it but made noises as if she's pained and annoyed. Advanced missionary with her legs on my shoulders and doggie-style have lost their enchanting charm because of that problem. Are there solutions for the two problems that I've mentioned? If yes, what are they? If no, what could I do? I want to love her, for the fact is she's a very great, generous, blonde and beautiful lady!

A: Where to begin? Your woman friend's ejaculation of fluid is a natural phenomenon in many women. What to do about it is nothing at all beyond getting over your depression and disgust. Enjoy it for what it is, a testament to her high arousal. If this is impossible, find another partner ... which I am surprised she hasn't suggested since you insist on sex that causes her pain. Is it really "enchanting and charming" to do that to a "beautiful lady"? The positions you prefer are those with the deepest penetration. If you (that's both of you) can't do some experimenting to find pleasure in some other positions I'm afraid you may have to lose her ... which, while not solving your problems, may solve hers.

Q: I am a 31-year-old attractive single female. I have no social life and don't know where to mingle. I go from home to work and vice versa. A few years ago I used to be a dominatrix and met a lot of attractive men who wanted a relationship and were eager to date me. When I quit being a dominatrix my life of meeting men was over. I am very much tempted to go back to doing it but I won't chance that someone I am working with will call. I have a few friends, but it's difficult for them to go out because they have kids. Can you suggest any place I can go alone to meet men without looking too obvious?

A: It's OK to be obviously interested in connecting with someone, just not desperate about it. Ask your friends who they know and if they'll make a dinner party (even pizza) to get you together. Run a personal ad, saying you are an amateur top — you'll get plenty of responses. As for going somewhere — anything from church or temple to the gym to poetry readings are places where you can strike up a conversation with an attractive possibility, but you have to make the effort to go somewhere other than home or work.

Q: Do masturbation and obesity decrease the size of the penis? Do these factors plus my never having sex before decrease penis size, in length, girth or both? Please answer me frankly. I won't be disappointed. Should I lose weight and abstain from masturbation?

A: Masturbation does not affect penis size in any way at all. Neither does virginity. The penis may look smaller cushioned by fat, and with a fat belly it may be more difficult to get maximum penetration with a partner, but it does not grow or shrink with the rest of your body. Lose weight if you want to, masturbate if it pleases you, but be sure not to get so habituated to one touch and rhythm that it will be difficult to be a good lover with someone else when the time comes. Isadora Alman is a board-certified sexologist and a California-licensed marriage-and-family therapist. Contact her via this paper or Her Sexuality Forum is at

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Speaking of Love & Sex, Ask Isadora

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September 23, 2020

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