But apparently, it’s not the slide that’s the problem — it’s you. The Michigan Department of Natural Resources took to Belle Isle’s Facebook page to show everyone how to ride the giant slide without getting their asses handed to them on Sunday.
In the video, a park ranger sits inside a burlap sack that’s as dusty as we remember them being in the 1990s. He tells us the key is to hold onto the sack and lean forward the whole time. The ranger then glides slowly down the slide, like a paper airplane.
Thanks for the tutorial, DNR, but we’re not sure those mechanics are the same for small children as they are for an adult male like the ranger in the video.
The speed kids were flying down the slide was so out of control that it was closed down shortly after opening last Friday so the DNR could apply a wax coating to slow riders down, the Detroit News reported.
Officials said on social media that they “scrubbed down the surface and started to spray a little water on the slide between rides to help control the speed,” which “seems to be working well.”
This will forever go down in history as the giant slide debacle of 2022. Detroit rapper Gmac Cash made a song about it which you can listen to below if you're ready to laugh your ass off. (It made us spit out our morning tea.)
And in true Detroit fashion, someone made “giant slide 2022” T-shirts showing a person flying above the slide — a pretty accurate representation of what happened when it reopened last week.
The giant slide had previously been closed for several years during the COVID-19 pandemic. It will be back open (and hopefully slower) Fridays through Sundays from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. until Labor Day weekend. Rides cost $1.