Calling all Detroit health goths!

It’s hard to tell if the NYTimes’ style section is consciously trolling us with their bizarre and often a bit late to the game stories like yesterday’s missive on “health goth.” The Facebook community for health goth has over 18,000 members. But still, this can’t be a real thing, can it? Can it??!  Wait, people on the FB group page are bitterly complaining about the NYT piece’s inaccuracy. And crucially, they're unhappy with how little they got quoted for the piece. So, it must be real. Some people really do gather in dank, dark places with silly names to work out in unison to Nine Inch Nails.

Where are all the health goths in Detroit? Do they actually reside in Royal Oak? Do they listen to that band Health, or is that too obvious? Do the dudes all look like Tim Burton? The women like Aaliyah? Please out yourself in the comments below if you are a dedicated, healthy goth.

It’s worth noting that a similar effort in Sweden —synchronized swimming to doom metal— didn’t take off. All participants, save for one, drowned on the spot.

And seriously, if there are any Detroit health gothsters who haven’t move to Silverlake, Bushwick, or North Portland, we want to hear from you. We promise to not make fun of you, and that we are seriously in awe. We want to know your secrets! If you’ve already got vampire superpowers, the soul of a poet, and are able to rock the elliptical, we want in.