Motor City Muckraker called our attention to news that Quicken Loans owner Dan Gilbert circulated emails asking for his employees to help identify "three fancy 'ladies'" who vandalized the alley of his building at 1001 Woodward last week. Gilbert (apparently very cognizant that a sizable portion of his workforce is made up of Detroit's tech-savvy twentysomethings), sent surveillance photos and descriptions of the suspects, calling on his employees to share on social media and email leads directly to him. He even offered a reward to cover the “entire cost to paint your home” (quotation marks his) for tipsters also in need of a paint job of their own.
MT has obtained the emails and copied them in their entirety below (with Gilbert's esoteric use of quotation marks intact):
Good Afternoon Everyone,
As you all know, we all work hard (you, your fellow team members, our Rock Security team, the City, the Detroit Police Department and many others) to keep downtown Detroit safe and our various properties looking GOOD.
Unfortunately, once in a great while, degenerates who don’t “get it” crawl out of their deep dark holes and try to ruin it for the rest of us who take pride in and deeply care about our city.
This past Sunday (June 22nd) the three fancy ‘ladies’ pictures bellowed decided to vandalize the alley of the 1001 building
You know, that big brown building on the northwest corner of Campus Martius (see map below)?
Please take a moment to look at the pictures and video below. The resolution of the video is low, but you can see three vandals spray painting in the upper frame of the shot.
Please email me right away if you have any insight or information as to whom these clowns might be.
Also, please feel free to post the pictures and video on any of your social media accounts such as Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, etc. to expand the network of people who might be able to identify the perpetrators.
I am personally offering a reward to cover the “entire cost to paint your home” (or apartment) the next time you need a fresh coat either on the inside or outside (or both) for any information that you provide that leads to the apprehension of these three fine ‘ladies’.
So ‘brush up’ on your detective skills and get to work
The tips apparently poured in, and not long after Gilbert sent out a follow up email literally thanking his staff for their eyeballs:
Wow, our team members are truly the best, most high level folks around. We received several strong leads in a matter of minutes!
We have identified the suspects and we are working with law enforcement regarding next steps.
Thank you all for your eyeballs, awareness and heart!
Wow. We almost felt that Gilbert was being a little too hard on these hipster girls (we're pretty open-minded about street art). But then we actually looked at their "art":
Really, ladies? "Welcome to Detroit," "izzy," fuck," "bitch"? That's the best you can do? That is some spectacularly lame graffiti! If you're going to take on the most powerful man in Detroit, at least throw a cool piece up. Then again, that would violate rule #1 in the unwritten but commonly understood rules of graffiti: Never tag an occupied building. And these days, most occupied buildings in Detroit seemingly belong to Gilbert.
One can imagine Dan Gilbert standing over his miniature model of Detroit, smug in his victory. Look out, graffiti vandals of Detroit. Dan Gilbert is watching you.