Notes from the underground

News Hits recently came upon a new publication that we fully expect will soon be putting a serious dent in circulation over at the Freep and Snews, not to mention the rag being held in your own sweaty paws this very moment. All it needs to hit the big time are some advertisers and a printer other than Kinkos.

We refer to The People Mover, a publication emanating from so far underground that our copy was unearthed by South African diamond miners.

OK, so it’s not exactly gem quality, but it is sorta kinda mildly amusing.

For example, an item under the headline “Gratuitous space filler” (a subject loyal readers of this column are more than familiar with) posits a plan to create a Detroitcentric online auction site named Among the items to be found there: One unbroken pane of glass from the Michigan Central train depot, the Exit 69/Big Beaver Road sign from I-75 and an opportunity to be the focus of a Fox 2 Problem Solvers segment.

We note that the “chain-smoking monkeys shackled to typewriters in the basement of a … top-secret armed compound/family fun center” writing this stuff also produced an insightful piece about the white flight devastating Detroit’s suburbs and a story about how the White Stripes are overdosing on the hype that surrounds the duo — a group that, according to the hacking simians, is working hard “to remain in that happy medium between underground obscurity and mainstream overexposure.”

If you are mildly amusing and willing to contribute to a publication that provides compensation in the form of Purina Monkey Chow, e-mail the [email protected].

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