25 Detroit things we miss from before the coronavirus

Never have we related to something more than when Blink-182's Tom DeLonge wails “Where are you?” on the band's 2003 emo ballad “Miss You” because, well, dammit, we miss life B.C. — life before coronavirus. Simple pleasures and grievances all make our list of things we miss as we wait out this pandemic. Hopefully, all of these things and more will return to our agendas as soon as we get the green light to leave the house. For now, though, let's get nostalgic about life from three weeks ago.

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Everyone being irrationally mad at scooters (and lowkey riding them) 
When e-scooters first appeared on Detroit’s landscape in the summer of 2018, people lost their dang minds. While some view them as a convenient way to zip around town, others curse their very existence and relish every time one is found disabled, discarded, or destroyed on the side of the road. We miss the near collisions and tired complaints just as much as we miss trying to fit two people on one scooter, because life before corona was about having no rules. We miss that. 
Photo by Lee DeVito

Everyone being irrationally mad at scooters (and lowkey riding them)

When e-scooters first appeared on Detroit’s landscape in the summer of 2018, people lost their dang minds. While some view them as a convenient way to zip around town, others curse their very existence and relish every time one is found disabled, discarded, or destroyed on the side of the road. We miss the near collisions and tired complaints just as much as we miss trying to fit two people on one scooter, because life before corona was about having no rules. We miss that.

Photo by Lee DeVito
Experiencing multi-faceted heartbreak thanks to Detroit sports
Each year, we do it to ourselves. We slap on face paint, a foam finger, and our favorite jersey and we go all in on Detroit sports — even after we’ve suffered years of heartbreak because, well, their track records haven’t done much to inspire hope. But we miss having to choose between one losing team or three because, well, we miss being able to make a choice. 
Stevie Ansara/Detroit Stock City

Experiencing multi-faceted heartbreak thanks to Detroit sports

Each year, we do it to ourselves. We slap on face paint, a foam finger, and our favorite jersey and we go all in on Detroit sports — even after we’ve suffered years of heartbreak because, well, their track records haven’t done much to inspire hope. But we miss having to choose between one losing team or three because, well, we miss being able to make a choice.

Stevie Ansara/Detroit Stock City
Working remotely someplace other than your kitchen table
Before quarantine life, working from home was the goddamn American dream. Roll out of bed, grab some coffee, put on the entire first season of The Office on in the background, and log on. But after a few weeks of this shit — the sweat pants, the endless Zoom conference calls, and struggling to leave our bed because holy shit this is depressing — we miss being able to work remotely from somewhere other than home, you know, with our kids and significant others lurking about. (Get us out of here!) 
Photo by Nicole Rupersburg/Courtesy of DIA

Working remotely someplace other than your kitchen table

Before quarantine life, working from home was the goddamn American dream. Roll out of bed, grab some coffee, put on the entire first season of The Office on in the background, and log on. But after a few weeks of this shit — the sweat pants, the endless Zoom conference calls, and struggling to leave our bed because holy shit this is depressing — we miss being able to work remotely from somewhere other than home, you know, with our kids and significant others lurking about. (Get us out of here!)

Photo by Nicole Rupersburg/Courtesy of DIA
Smelling countless jars of weed at the dispensary like a true ganja snob
We’ve all done it — walked into a dispensary wearing a top hat and monocle and when asked by the budtender what we’d like to see, we just start pointing to jar after jar, smelling each one pretending like we can smell the pine notes or hints of dank. Sure, the marijuana industry has been deemed "essential" during the quarantine due to its medicinal properties and stores are still open, but it's only curbside pickup and delivery for now.
Photo by Steve Neavling

Smelling countless jars of weed at the dispensary like a true ganja snob

We’ve all done it — walked into a dispensary wearing a top hat and monocle and when asked by the budtender what we’d like to see, we just start pointing to jar after jar, smelling each one pretending like we can smell the pine notes or hints of dank. Sure, the marijuana industry has been deemed "essential" during the quarantine due to its medicinal properties and stores are still open, but it's only curbside pickup and delivery for now.

Photo by Steve Neavling
Celebrating Detroit’s wonderfully weird traditions like Marche du Nain Rouge
It happened in an instant. First, a concert at Little Caesars Arena announced its postponement, then another, then everything began collapsing and before we knew it, everything we’ve come to look forward to year after year was being ripped from our hands, including all of Detroit’s weird and wonderful traditions: namely Marche du Nain Rouge. Don’t worry, Detroit. We will run that little red MF’er out of the city once and for all, you know, next year. (Or support him, if that's your thing.)
Photo by Steven Pham

Celebrating Detroit’s wonderfully weird traditions like Marche du Nain Rouge

It happened in an instant. First, a concert at Little Caesars Arena announced its postponement, then another, then everything began collapsing and before we knew it, everything we’ve come to look forward to year after year was being ripped from our hands, including all of Detroit’s weird and wonderful traditions: namely Marche du Nain Rouge. Don’t worry, Detroit. We will run that little red MF’er out of the city once and for all, you know, next year. (Or support him, if that's your thing.)

Photo by Steven Pham
Going to Two James Spirits for booze and not hand sanitizer
We love that the city has come together in a time of need, like, using precious and delicious alcohol to make free hand sanitizer in an effort to combat COVID-19. But we have to say, we absolutely miss going to Detroit distilleries and chasing the green fairy after a Two James absinthe flight, and not waiting in line for free end of the world rations. 
Photo via Two James Spirits/Facebook

Going to Two James Spirits for booze and not hand sanitizer

We love that the city has come together in a time of need, like, using precious and delicious alcohol to make free hand sanitizer in an effort to combat COVID-19. But we have to say, we absolutely miss going to Detroit distilleries and chasing the green fairy after a Two James absinthe flight, and not waiting in line for free end of the world rations.

Photo via Two James Spirits/Facebook
Driving in I-75 construction and complaining about it to our co-workers
Misery loves company which, thanks to Michigan’s never-ending construction efforts, gives us a lot to be miserable about, specifically that on major highway I-75. Not only do we sort of miss getting stuck in traffic because the more time in traffic means the less time enduring Karen from HR’s very intimate medical complaints, but we miss being able to rant about our one binding commonality. 
Photo via Screen grab/YouTube

Driving in I-75 construction and complaining about it to our co-workers

Misery loves company which, thanks to Michigan’s never-ending construction efforts, gives us a lot to be miserable about, specifically that on major highway I-75. Not only do we sort of miss getting stuck in traffic because the more time in traffic means the less time enduring Karen from HR’s very intimate medical complaints, but we miss being able to rant about our one binding commonality.

Photo via Screen grab/YouTube
Eating grilled chicken with our hands from Taqueria El Ray (and not worrying about where they’ve been) 
One of the greatest culinary pleasures in Southwest Detroit, as there are many, is ordering a half of a grilled chicken from Taqueria El Ray. Something we’ve taken for granted, however, is tearing that bird apart with our nasty little fingers and giving zero fucks about washing them. Ah, yes. The simple pleasures. 
Photo by Tom Perkins

Eating grilled chicken with our hands from Taqueria El Ray (and not worrying about where they’ve been)

One of the greatest culinary pleasures in Southwest Detroit, as there are many, is ordering a half of a grilled chicken from Taqueria El Ray. Something we’ve taken for granted, however, is tearing that bird apart with our nasty little fingers and giving zero fucks about washing them. Ah, yes. The simple pleasures.

Photo by Tom Perkins
Picking out our most outrageous music festival looks
Some people spend months picking out the outfit for the most important day of their lives. And no, we’re not talking about a wedding, you sap. We’re talking about festival season. Whether you’re a Movement raver who opts for a neon, see-through cowgirl geisha vibe or a Mo Pop Festival IG thot lewk (don’t forget your flower crowns, haux!) we miss having an excuse to assemble the perfect fit that would have Tim Gunn’s head spinning. 
Photo by Dontae Rockymore>

Picking out our most outrageous music festival looks

Some people spend months picking out the outfit for the most important day of their lives. And no, we’re not talking about a wedding, you sap. We’re talking about festival season. Whether you’re a Movement raver who opts for a neon, see-through cowgirl geisha vibe or a Mo Pop Festival IG thot lewk (don’t forget your flower crowns, haux!) we miss having an excuse to assemble the perfect fit that would have Tim Gunn’s head spinning.

Photo by Dontae Rockymore>
Getting our asses to Belle Isle beach giving zero fucks that it’s not even close to summer yet
Michigan is forced to suffer through, basically, a half year of bullshit weather (why do we live here again?) which makes us downright ornery and beach thirsty. This might explain why we get our asses to Belle Isle beach the minute we see sun and justify ditching our Carhartt winter wardrobe. 
Photo by Hannah Ervin/Detroit Stock City>

Getting our asses to Belle Isle beach giving zero fucks that it’s not even close to summer yet

Michigan is forced to suffer through, basically, a half year of bullshit weather (why do we live here again?) which makes us downright ornery and beach thirsty. This might explain why we get our asses to Belle Isle beach the minute we see sun and justify ditching our Carhartt winter wardrobe.

Photo by Hannah Ervin/Detroit Stock City>